Monday, May 10, 2010

If it doesn't make me money, make me happy or make me skinny - I'm not doing it.

So I'm not over this weekend yet. Not by a long shot. I am constantly just completely baffled at how the people in my life can treat me with such disregard. It really makes me stop and think - maybe I'm just not as good a friend as I thought. I mean if it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck.... If everyone treats me like shit, I must deserve it, right? I mean I would not be getting collectively ignored and disregarded if I were a good person. The fault must lie with me, right? Because if not,

I don't get it.

I keep re-evaluating my behavior. I live by the golden rule: you treat others the way you wanna be treated. That rule is my guiding light. I'm there for people when they ask for my help, I'm thoughtful and considerate and I'm always honest.

I'm always honest...

That last one has gotten me into trouble quite a bit. People don't seem to like to hear the truth all the time. Like when you let them know they're doing something wrong AND they know you're right. That's what really seems to upset people. I don't like lying - I don't see the point. Cowards lie. The only reason to tell a lie is because you want to hide something you're ashamed of. Cowards hide. When people ask for my opinion, I give them the disclaimer: Don't ask me unless you want me to tell you because you KNOW I will tell you the truth. And that's why they're asking me - because they know out of everyone, I will not only give an honest answer, but it will be the correct answer. But once they hear it, they suddenly wanna shoot the messenger.

This is not me being conceited. It's not as if I'm all knowing. I've just lived - and messed up a whole lot. So it makes it easier for me to see when other people are repeating my mistakes and if you're my friend, I don't want you to go through the bad stuff I've been through. So if giving you tough love will stop you from repeating my mistakes - that's what I'm doing. I only speak to situations I know - I won't give advice on something I have no idea about. Every single friend that I've told a truth they didn't want to hear - has come back AFTER they ignored my advice and said "you were right." Every.single.time.

I think that most people are, by nature - selfish. The first instinct is to think "how will this benefit me?" Every once in a while, like at Christmas or Mother's Day - they can think of someone else. But even then, most people still think of themselves first. If you have the choice between spending $100 on someone else to get a super awesome gift OR spending $50 on a less awesome gift and $50 on yourself, which would you choose? I mean, they'll never know of the more awesome gift you could've gotten anyway. I I KNOW that 99.9% of the people I know would go with the 50/50 option because it benefits them.

That's where we differ. I'll pick the first option every time. Because it makes me happier to know that I got this person this super awesome gift that makes them happy. That's my nature. I don't say this because I think I'm better than anyone, I'm just explaining who I am. If I tell you I'll do something, I do it. Period. Because my word means something, to me at least. If I'm not sure I can do it - I won't tell you I will. I can't tell you how many parties and events I've gone to - not because I wanted to, but because my friend wanted me there. And some people will say "well if you don't wanna do it, don't do it." Sounds easy enough. But by the golden rule - if I would want that person to be there for me, then I'm gonna be there for them. Simple as that. What I want is secondary.

I understand that not everyone can be this way, which is fine. But when I - the person who has been there for you for every thing you've asked of her, asks you for ONE DAY out of the entire year to put her first - for just a couple hours...I don't know, I kind of expect that to be something you could handle. The bottom line is this:I asked for one thing for one day and only ONE person was able to follow through on it. Everyone else made the selfish choice and decided that even though this is the only thing I ask of them all year, they were still more important than me even on that one night.

So I guess I need to learn to be selfish. It's really the only solution I can think of. If it doesn't make me money, make me happy or make me skinny - I'm not doing it. Is that how it works? Is that what looking out for number one is like? To me, that sounds miserable. That sounds like a horrible way to live your life. But it seems to work pretty well for everyone else, so I guess I'll give it a shot.

1 comment:

  1. Ok, I have a few comments ...

    First, what happened?

    Second, I'm really enjoying your blog, although it kind of makes me feel out of shape ..

    Finally, as I've gotten older I've realized that your list of close friends gets smaller while your list of acquaintences gets larger. It can be hard, but sometimes it's best to remove people from the friends list and make them an aquaintence.

    One last thing ... I've also learned that if you don't put yourself first, no one will !!!

    Ok, back to work ...