Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Maybe They Just Don't Like Me

As expected, my exploration of the online dating world was short lived - as is every attempt I make to put actual effort into finding someone. Dating is a pain in the ass. And much like getting a tattoo or birthing a child, after a certain amount of time goes by you forget just how much pain is involved until you do it again. At least with a tattoo or a child, you have something cool to show for it when all is said and done. Not so much the case with dating.

So although I did not seek this last pairing out, that doesn't take away the sting of it ending. I met a guy at the gym. We dated for a while. I thought things were pretty much on track for a long term relationship, but he disagreed. So now we're done. No big drama. He wanted to be "just friends" and I was not so much interested in that option. I didn't even know females got friend-zoned, but if it was going to happen to anyone - it would be me. And it's not like I'm crying in a corner, eating ice cream and listening to Adele lamenting about my life being over. (ooh, ice cream...) It's not that deep. But aren't I allowed to be bummed out that what seemed like a good prospect didn't work out? I think some people don't see it as a big deal because you just move on to the next one, right? But I literally only find people I'm remotely interested in who reciprocate those feelings (at least initially) about once every two years - IF that. Finding someone isn't as easy for some of us. Maybe we're pickier or just not as lucky.

And I appreciate that all of my friends say all of the standard things friends say that are supposed to make you feel better. "He's an idiot", "Some men just can't handle a smart, powerful woman", "Maybe he was intimidated by your confidence", "You're a great girl and any guy would be lucky to have you". These are all very sweet things to say and I appreciate that people think it's what I want to hear. But c'mon. Am I the only realist left out there? This is not the first time that this very thing has happened to me. And I came to the realization a long time ago that the one and only common factor in all of these situations is, well - me. So maybe the REAL root of the issue has nothing to do with me being smart or confident and nothing to do with him being an idiot or a coward. Maybe, he just doesn't like me. Plain and simple. And there's not really much I can do about that. I mean, I am who I am and I'm certainly not changing for anyone. So maybe nobody likes who I am.

I think I'm luckier than most because although I wouldn't choose being alone over being in love, I CAN be alone. I do know that it's not the end of the world and that I don't need another human being to be attached to in order to survive. Too many people mistake this for me not being open to finding someone or not truly committing to giving people a chance. That's just not true. I'm completely open to the idea of meeting someone. What I am not open to is wasting endless amounts of time and/or money looking for him or settling for something that's not right just because it looks good on paper. I also don't need to find someone who wants to promise to stand by me forever, because let's face it - forever can be a long ass time. And I'm not sure that I truly want to spend every day of the rest of my life with the same person. So since I'm not positive that I want marriage or kids, that means I shouldn't bother trying to find someone to be my boyfriend for a few years? Are those really my only options? Because, if so - I'll just tattoo "SINGLE 4EVA" on my ass right now and be done with it.

Song lyrics by: Kate Nash, Song: Merry Happy
Getting dumped at any stage in the game is a tough pill to swallow. Because no matter what, it means that someone you still like doesn't like you back. It hurt in 1st grade and it hurts now. And you can't promise me that one day I'll find someone, because there are plenty of people who grew old alone who didn't want to. Finding a good guy is not guaranteed to you because you're a good girl. Don't we all know douchebags and bitches with the most wonderful mates on the planet that leave you asking "wtf?!" At the end of the day, I'll get over it. And then I'll forget how much it hurt. And then I'll be foolish enough to do it again one day and go through the whole same rigamaroll. And perhaps one day I will learn, and just opt to stay single and not date because it will end up being a colossal waste of time. But I am human, so I doubt it.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Dating Series. Installment 2: Is This Thing On?

Is This an Interrogation?
I'm all for getting to know someone by asking questions, but what's with the machine gun interrogation? You should not send me multiple messages before I've had the chance to answer the first one. Your messages should also not read like a job application. And they absolutely should not have anything whatsoever to do with sex. At all.  Not appropriate at this juncture. You don't even know my last name, why in the hell are you asking me sex questions? If I haven't replied to your last 3 messages and it's been a few weeks, it's safe to say I'm not interested. And if I've already told you politely that I'm not interested, it's safe to say that I'm not interested.

Nice Guys Finish Last - My Ass!
This phrase is stupid. Ok, maybe the phrase itself is fine - but most of the guys that use it are stupid. Nice guys do not finish last. There are lots of girls who want the nice guy. But that "nice guy" is not nice to those girls. That "nice guy" is chasing the girls who pose a challenge. They don't want you if you're not hard to get. That "nice guy" is a huge effing douchebag to the nice girls. Then he tries to lay out all of his best stuff for the stuck up bitches and wonders why he always gets hurt. It's the girls you're choosing. Yes, it is your fault. Nice guys don't finish last - you're just not as nice as you think you are.

Be Up Front
Look, if you're looking for sex - be honest about it. If you just want to message pretty girls, be honest about it. If you have no intention of having a relationship, be honest about it. I don't really care what it is you're out to do - just BE HONEST ABOUT IT! There are only two reasons people lie - cowardice and kindness. Lying in this situation is straight up punking out bullshit. Who feels the need to lie to complete strangers? What is that?  Especially if I call you out and you continue to lie? C'mon son, now you just look foolish. Real foolish.

Don't Be Lazy
Let's not forget, that although the scope of dating has changed - not EVERYTHING is different. Women still need to be wooed and pursued. You need to come after me. There's a difference between someone who will send a message or two and then try to get you to his house and someone who will message you for a while - with actual conversation, respectfully ask for your phone number and then ask you out on a date. A DATE. This is where the two of you are seen together in a public place. That does not mean your apartment. Or your bedroom in your parents' house.

Is This Thing On?
Nothing makes it more obvious that you're either not serious or you're just an idiot than not paying attention. If you ask a question that is blatantly answered in my online profile or that I've messaged you before, I'm annoyed. I don't expect you to remember every little thing about me. But the thing is, it's WRITTEN DOWN. You have a total cheat sheet. You can pretend that you remember things about me really easily. I do it all the time. Before answering a message, if you're not sure about something - you go to your saved messages and check on whatever question it was you had. Voila! If you're too lazy to even do that, I'm gonna go ahead and assume that you're really not that into me. Peace out.

Bottom Line
There are lots of douchebags and creepers online - just like real life. There are also nice guys, though they are much more difficult to spot behind the liars. Just like real life. Online dating is a huge pain in the ass and reinforces why I hate people. Just like dating in real life. Bottom line, for some of us - finding someone who's worthy of being let into your life takes effort. A whole lot of it. Just.Like.Real.Life.