Sunday, February 28, 2010

Balancing Act

So my blog focuses on a few things - the things that are most pertinent to my life at this moment. They also happen to be the things that I'm trying to juggle.

Thing 1 - My job. I'm not happy where I'm working now. While most people go to college with an idea of what they want to do when they grow up, I was never sure. I majored in music because it was the only thing I was really interested in. But hobbies don't always make for good jobs. What I would love to do is work at the Children's Theatre Company I've been with since my senior year in high school. But because I live in the real world - I need to work somewhere that can provide me with funds to pay my bills. Sadly, they can not. So I'm currently stuck in "Office Space" type hell. I'm way overqualified and underpaid. Happy to be working in this economy, but completely unhappy doing what I'm doing.
Thing 1) b) Money. Please refer to the "underpaid" clause in this paragraph.

Thing 2 - My hair. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal for most people. But I chopped my hair into a bob a couple years ago. For some black women, like myself - getting hair to grow long is no easy task. I regret cutting it because it has taken two years of effort to get it to reach it's original length - which is only down to my shoulders. And it is effort getting it to grow.

Thing 3 - Weight Loss. I have been trying to lose weight since I was a teenager. As of now, I've lost 55 pounds since I first started. Though I'm happy to have had made the progress I've made, I still work very hard at it every day.

Working on all three of these things at once is not easy. You need money to do basically anything, and I don't have a lot of that. You need time to devote to all of these areas, and there's only so much of that. Throw in the rest of life going on around me and these tasks can sometimes be pretty daunting. It's 8:30 on a Sunday night and I am exhausted. I still need to prep my meals for this week - because when it comes to weight loss, if you fail to plan = you plan to fail. I didn't get a chance to apply for any new jobs today because I spent time taking a Power Point tutorial so I can add it to my resume. While I did manage to finish 5 loads of laundry this weekend, clean my room and collect all the clothes I'm getting rid of for spring cleaning - I did not get to wash my hair. Which is pretty integral to helping it grow. I got one workout in today, though I would have preferred two.

And I know that tomorrow I have to go into work and make it through another day without losing my mind. But all I've ever known how to do is go after what I want. You have to keep trying, because no one else is going to do it for you. If you don't work for it - you won't get it. It might take longer than you'd prefer, but from what I've heard...good things come to those who wait.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


Here's the thing about women with real breasts who comment on other women getting breast implants: it's not like YOU had any hand in your own breast size. I don't get it when women brag "well my breast are all natural, I don't need fake ones." Well yeah, but what's the problem with someone else getting fake ones if she DOES need them? I mean, it's not as if you have big boobs because you worked your ass off for them. You didn't earn them. That's just the body God gave you. There's no problem with you being proud of what you have, but what gives you the right to put someone else down for not having it? It's not like if I work really hard I can make my boobs grow. There's nothing I can do on my own to increase my breast size. If I want that to happen, it's gotta be through surgery.

Firstly - if you're happy and confident in yourself, you shouldn't feel the need to speak negatively of others. What do I care what surgery you have on your breasts or your butt or your face? It's your body and you should feel comfortable with it. It doesn't really matter if I think you look good now or would look better with some work. I'm not the person who has to wake up in your skin every day.

Secondly - if you already have big boobs, then you haven't the slightest idea what it feels like to not have them. Period. Even if you were once flat-chested, and now have massive breasts - you don't know what it feels like to still be a grown woman and not have much going on in the chesticle region. So you can't really say what you would do in the situation because you're not in the situation.

Third - Guys don't know what the eff they're talking about. They say they want a girl who is "all natural." What they're really saying is they want someone with naturally big boobs. Well, again - I can't really do anything about that. My boobs aren't naturally big, so what now? It's kind of like how they say they want a woman who doesn't wear make-up when what they actually want is a woman who doesn't LOOK like she's wearing make-up.

If I had the funds, I would love to get a boob job. I'm working with a very small barely B cup and I am a thick girl. I just don't think I look proportionate at all. If I do get the opportunity to get a breast augmentation, it will be for me. It will be to make myself feel better about myself. I don't need anyone else's opinion or approval. It is MY body that I have to live with. I work my butt off for everything that I have in life. I work to pay bills, I work out and diet to get the body I want, I save up for things I want but can't yet afford. I work. If there were some sort of crazy exercise I could do to make my boobs grow, I'd do it. But I can't. I just find it obnoxious to brag about something that you didn't actually put any effort into whatsoever. "I just think people who wear brown contacs when their eyes aren't really brown are so fake! My eyes are NATURALLY BROWN baby, no contacs there. I don't need to put contacs in my eyes to make them brown." It's just ridiculous.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Bummer Doodles

I'm definitely having what I like to call a bummer doodles day. I eat clean 6 days a week and allow myself on cheat meal. Well, yesterday I had my cheat meal and today - the scale is weighing me 3 pounds heavier. Now, psychologically I know that it is almost physically impossible to put on 3 lbs. in one day. However, I don't like the connotation of it. I don't like that the scale is judging me for having one less than healthy meal. I mean seriously, I obviously like food. If I didn't, I wouldn't be in the predicament of needing to lose weight. Are you telling me that if I eat exactly the way I'm supposed to 90% of the time, and have one cheat meal - that one meal can undo a week's worth of diet and exercise? Because if so, then I quit. I'm done. It's ridiculous to work this hard to see the scale go down and for it to be so easy for tne numbers to go up. It makes me want to just give up trying. What's the point? I'm hoping that this was just temporary insanity on the part of my scale, and that I'll not only be down those 3 pounds again by the end of this week, but another 2 pounds in addition to it. I'm starting to think that people who are fat and happy to be so may have something to their thinking.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Still Fighting It

I have been overweight my entire life. I was a chubby child, a fat teenager and an even fatter young adult. It bothered me a little bit when I was young, a lot more when I was a teenager, and finally became unacceptable when I hit college. I started working out and dieting. In the begining it was easier. When you first start working out, the weight drops off like "that"! (See: Biggest Loser) It's when you've been doing it for several years and your body adjusts that it gets a little more complicated.

In recent years, it has been next to impossible for me to drop pounds. I would kill myself with cardio at the gym. Hit the gym twice a day, eat minimally and then - only eating fruits, veggies, fish and chicken. All of this and nothing has given me the results I'm looking for. Now, staring down my 30th birthday on the horizon, I refuse to not reach my weight loss goal by that birthday. It's ridiculous and unfair how hard I have to work to acheive what seems to come easier to other people, but those are the breaks. That's just the way it is. My only other option is to stop trying, and I just don't consider that an option. I know I can reach my weight loss goal, I just have to keep going.

I'm currently doing a workout program called P90X. You may have seen the infomercial for it. It's a workout-at-home program that utilizes weights and a push up bar to get you in great shape in 90 days. This is my second time through the program. I did the full 90 days already. I didn't see the results that I wanted, but it is a fitness program and not a weight loss program. For people who have weight to lose, it may take more than one round to see results. It was nice to see that one of the guys in the infomercial actually went through 5 rounds before he got a killer bod. I just really need to see some results soon or I will lose my mind. I don't know what else to do to lose these pounds. They say the last ten to fifteen are the hardest and man they ain't lying.

I'll keep you posted on how this round is going. In addition to the regular workouts, I'm also doing another program from Beach Body (the same company that makes P90X). The other program is Slim in 6, which is supposed to help you slim down in 6 weeks. I also did this program already and lost a few pounds. I'm hoping that combining the two will give me some stellar progress.

Wish me luck ;)

This Is Me

So I guess I blog now. I always have a lot of thoughts kickin' around in my head that won't leave until I get them out on paper, or print as it were. I'm sure some of the things I have to say will interest no one but myself, but I think I have a lot that I can share with others. My main focuses in life right now are getting financially fit, getting physically fit, getting my hair to grow long and beautiful and doing really fun makeup. That's what I wanna talk about and share with others. With a little randomness thrown in as well. Looking forward to sharing with you :)

Sweet Charity