Friday, December 23, 2011

Dating Series, Numero Uno: I Hate Dating

I've been single for, oh, forever. No - really. I've only ever had one official  "boyfriend." I've had relationships other than that, but only one that ever had the title. Sometimes it bothers me and sometimes I don't really give a shit. There are so many aspects of being in a couple that I'm just not interested in. But there are also a few things that seem pretty cool. My biggest problem is that I'm not willing to play the dating game. The rules of "waiting 3 days" to call someone or what you can and can't say on a first "date." I don't even like the word "date." If you ask me if you can take me on a date, something inside me shuts down and sends a signal to my brain to RUN! You'll get much further if you use the term "hang out." Even if it means the same thing, my brain won't have the instinct to flee. Usually.

The entire concept of dating is just weird to me. The idea of sitting at a table and eating with someone who is all but a stranger, discussing bullshit and letting him pay for it just seems extremely weird to me. And my hobbies are extremely weird. What I do for fun in my free time is produce children's plays and do hip hop choreography in my friend's basement. No, I don't want to go to a Phillies game - I could care less about them. Or the Eagles. Or the Flyers. Or any sports of any kind for that matter. I don't want to play. I don't want to watch. I will go bowling if forced. And I'll pretend I don't hate it because I'm trying to be nice. But really, I hate it. Meet up for coffee? That's really not much different than going out to dinner. It's just cheaper. It just seems so forced to find something to do to find out if we have enough in common to find something else to do together.

What's more? I'm not looking to get married. I'm not saying I never will, just that I'm not shopping for a husband. And I don't want children. Ever. Yes, I'm sure. Why not? Because I don't. It's not a requirement that just because I have the parts, I'm forced to use them. Why don't you want to shave your head and tattoo tribal print on it? Oh, because you have free will to make your own decisions? Yeah, so do I.

So in general, I just opt NOT to date. How do I meet people? Usually through mutual friends or just knowing someone from work or from a place I frequent. Sometimes I do actually meet people in random places and "hang out" with them for a while. Still, the thought of it is just annoying. But - for the sake of modern times and at least telling people I gave it a genuine shot - I decided to do it like the normals and give this internet dating thing a try. I've sort of done it before, but it was so long ago that I forgot what a pain in the ass it is. Unfortunately. I'm not dedicated enough to devote any money to this venture, so I opted for the free site - Plenty of Fish, or POF for short. You'll also hear me refer to it as Plenty of fucktards, my personal nickname for it.

I'd say it's been about 6 weeks or so and I'm already fed up. Bottom line: there are just as many douchebags online as there are in real life. And definitely more creepers. And they are all attracted to ME. How about the people that message you and want to go out, but as soon as you actually agree - you never hear from them again? Better yet, the ones who you actually have interaction with for a period of time who SUDDENLY stop communicating with you. Out of the blue. No explanation provided. Then we have the people who you've DEFINITELY dated before contacting you as though they don't know you. And my favorite, the misguided gentlemen who actually think that I WANT a picture of your privates. Really? Oh, I've got stories - don't you worry. But they will have to wait for other blogs. Thus, the dating series is born.