Tuesday, April 27, 2010

My Thoughts On The Scale

I am quickly realizing that diet and weight loss can make you crazy. I know this about myself, but apparently it is universally true. At least I don't feel so alone. My paranoia is not mine alone. Now that I recognize that I have the problem, I am able to work on it. I am happy to say that I am no longer a slave to my scale. Yes, I still use it and I still weigh in - but I do not freak out when it doesn't do what I want.

I have read soooo many posts by people whose focus is entirely on the scale. So much so, that they miss the ENTIRE point of what they're doing, which was to drop some pant sizes. Unfortunately, the scale is the most widely accepted unit of measurement for weight loss. And I suppose that has something to do with the fact that what we refer to as wanting to get in better shape is "weight loss" as opposed to saying that we want to "get fit" or "get in shape." The truth of the matter is - getting fit does not always equal losing weight. At a certain point, getting fit could equal gaining weight. It depends on what you're doing, how you're doing it and what your ultimate goal is.

It is absolutely bonkers to me that some people are losing inches, feeling better, looking better and their clothes are starting to fall of of them - yet ALL they care about are the numbers on the scale. Do you know how crazy that sounds?! So, let me get this straight - your body is getting smaller, your clothes are getting too big, your muscles are getting defined, but you're upset because if someone tried to physically pick you up right now - you wouldn't be as "light" as you wanted to be?


What if the scale didn't exist? What if it wasn't the most widely recognized unit of measurement for weight loss progress? What if the tape measure was the only progress indicator you had aside from what you could see in the mirror and feel in your clothes? How important would your physical mass be then? I understand that we all want to be smaller in numbers on the scale, but seriously? You can't ignore all the other signs of your progress and bank it ALL on three numbers that have less to do with your progress and more to do with whether or not you're bloated that day.

If you are trying to get fit, having a scale is kind of like having chocolate around. If you can handle having chocolate around you without feeling the need to consume it all the time - then you're ok. If you do consume it a little more than you should, but you're ok with dealing with those consequences - then fine. But if having chocolate around you means you'll devour it and then feel completely horrible afterwards, then DON'T have chocolate around you!
Same with your scale.
If you can keep your scale, but use it only as one of many indicators of your progress - ok. If you use it out of curiosity but don't freak out every time you look at it - great. If you're so consumed with the number it gives you that you truly don't recognize losing inches as more quantifiable progress than losing pounds - it's time for you to put the scale away. Or be put in a crazy house.

Sweet Charity

Friday, April 23, 2010

Trust Me - It Ain't Worth It

So far, I have done three programs and gotten a few supplements from BeachBody.com. I ordered all of my workout programs, Slim in 6, P90X and Insanity directly from the website. I paid full price for them, got my deliveries within a week of ordering with everything that I needed for each workout. My DVDs are all functional and have given me no trouble. Were some of the things I got a little pricey? Yes. Absolutely. But to me - it's worth it. Losing weight is a big priority for me, so I'm willing to make investments where needed. I literally had to save up money from a couple of paychecks to get some stuff - but I haven't been disappointed. I like getting the full fitness and nutrition guide books and also having the support of Beach Body.

I can totally understand and appreciate that there are some people out there who are not willing to make the same kind of investment. Some of the programs may be a little more than you can/are willing to invest in at this time. Now, my intent is not to offend ANYONE. But as per usual, if you take offense to what I say - then you're taking that on yourself, and you probably wouldn't be offended if I wasn't right - so that's really your issue. But just let me explain what could happen if you decide to go twenty bucks cheaper and get the programs somewhere else.

If you find it cheaper than the Beach Body website, it's illegal. Period. Amazon is licensed to sell Beach Body products, but it's more expensive there AND does not carry the Beach Body guarantees. DVD skipping? Take it up with Amazon. 90 day money back guarantee? Amazon doesn't offer that. Bought it from an Amazon e-store or e-bay? You're screwed - neither Amazon nor Beach Body can help you.

I'm not sure who else is a licensed retailer, but rest assured if it's cheaper - it's not licensed. Yes, they are very good copies. They look just like the real thing. If they can duplicate an iphone that's not really an iphone, I'm sure that DVDs and books are not really a big challenge. And perhaps the pirated copy you receive will work fine, I can't really say. I'm just saying that I have heard TONS of complaints from people who received a faulty product that they could not return or get help with because they decided to risk problems buying an illegal copy. Now which one of us wasted their money? Honestly, I'll pay the extra bucks just to know that A)my DVDs won't skip or be missing B)if they do, they'll be replaced and C)my products will stand the test of time and I can re-use them.

I just find it baffling how many people say they care about their fitness and really wanna lose weight, but "oh, I can't afford that". Really? Cuz I certainly saw you afford that last cheesesteak and fries you ate and that night out at the bar. If you stopped spending so much money on being un-healthy, you'd have plenty left over to get fit. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I work too hard to sugar coat it for you. If you wanna get fit, you'll do it. If you don't, you'll make excuses.

Sweet Charity

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Maybe It's All In My Head

So I've been wondering if all of my weight loss progress is all in my head. Maybe I wasn't that big to begin with? Maybe I haven't lost as much weight as I thought? Do I have body dysmorphia? Because I can still see where there's a lot of work to be done, yet other people keep telling me I'm small. I look at pictures and I can definitely see progress, but I still see what I need to work on. Is all the progress I'm seeing in my head too?

My friend was telling me a story about being at a ball game and seeing a girl there with her muffin top on full display. She was wearing jeans that were too tight, and a cropped shirt, literally putting her muffin top on display. The thought of this horrified me. I have never, ever been one to let my stomach show when it shouldn't. Even when you have a shirt that's a little short and your belly pokes out a little bit - that drives me crazy if you're not fit enough to get away with it. My jeans are (were) always strategically placed so as to avoid any muffin toppage. And since I was young - I've sucked my stomach in when in public. Always. It's to the point that I don't even realize I'm doing it. When I try to take true measurements, I have to make an effort to be sure I'm NOT sucking in. Anytime there is fabric touching my stomach, my reflex is to suck my stomach in. I figure that's why I'm so good at doing ab exercises - my life is one big ab-crunch.

So it occurred to me, maybe it's not that I have a lack of progress - it's that I've hidden what my true body looks like for so long - people can't tell the difference! Now - I don't have to strategically place my jeans because my muffin top is no where near as noticeable. I can just let my waistband sit where it may. But you wouldn't know that unless you're me. I hid the muffin top before so you didn't know it was there. Now I'm not hiding, cuz it's not there - but how would you know the difference? It's the same way that people keep telling me I don't need breast implants. That's because what you see daily as a full B cup is really an elaborate set up of me double-padded-bra-ing under every outfit I wear. It would be nice to not have to put on a show in that arena anymore too.

I think because so much of my life is focused on weight loss, it seems strange to me that other people don't seem to notice. But most of these people - I see every day. They may not necessarily notice because they see me day-to-day as opposed to seeing just my start and end results. I think people also get a set picture of you in their head and then believe that that is how you SHOULD look (unless you're morbidly obese). I have people telling me all the time that if I get any smaller, I wouldn't look right. That sounds completely ridiculous to me! It's not like I'm at Lindsay Lohan or Nicole Ritchie status. Being too thin because you don't eat is not the same as being so fit that you have a low body fat percentage. Personally - I think I'd look kick-ass at a size 2, though that is not my goal. I don't care what size I am so long as the body fat issue is under control. I could go on and on about this particular subject, and I will...in another blog.

I think the point is that change is gradual. And for those who see it as it's happening, they tend to forget where you started and only remember what they've seen recently. Unless it's someone whose close to you - like family. They tend to remember only where you started and compare you to that constantly. So, to them you may be "too thin" simply because they're used to you being so fat. I'm glad I know what my goal is. I know what I'm doing, what I'm doing it for and what I want the end result to be. I notice my progress and I appreciate the changes and really - that's all that matters.

Sweet Charity

Monday, April 12, 2010


So I'm having a tough morning. Mostly because I'm crawling out of my skin. It has a lot to do with the fact that I took a full dose of hydroxycut this morning since I was up at 5am - I figured it would help me wake up. Well it did, but now it's also making me overly agitated. As if I need that at my already agitating job. At least I know why I feel this way so it's easier to manage it. No more full dosage for me, I'm still not ready for it.

The weekend is always too short. I have a phenomenal time, usually am super productive and then the work week comes back all too soon. It's funny that it's called the work week since I'm pretty sure I get more done in a two day weekend than I do all week at work. This past Sunday, I awoke early - cleaned my room, did my workout, and then got a surprise lunch invite from an old friend. By the time I had gotten through the morning, got ready to go out and met up for lunch - I realized that I hadn't eaten yet that day. I got up at 8 and met for lunch at 1 and hadn't managed a meal yet - and didn't even notice. I was so busy running around all morning that I just hadn't had time to eat.

Most days, my life revolves around meal time. Since I do nothing for a large portion of the day at work, my planned meals are kind of my focus because at least it's something to do. Sunday made me realize how much I hate this. I miss being extremely busy. I miss having a job that I LOVE where I'm running around doing something every second of the day. I find I'm so much more productive when I'm busy. This job is making me lazy. It's to the point that when there is work to do, I don't feel like doing it - because I'm already doing nothing. It's bad. Real bad. I don't want to be busy doing stuff I don't care about either. I'm starting to feel like there isn't a job that I can get that I will love. It's a really depressing thought, but it's honestly starting to feel that way. I don't know what it is I want to do. Well - I do know what I WANT to do, but a summer job that lasts for six weeks doesn't qualify as a career. And I don't have the credentials to make it into a career. And the idea of going back to school and accruing more loan debt is just unacceptable. I know student loan debt doesn't bother some people, but debt of any kind bothers me. It seriously makes me depressed to be in debt of any kind, and I'm working so hard to get out of it. I simply refuse to add to existing debt with more schooling.

What happened to the days of learning on the job? I don't get why so many jobs insist that having a degree would make you more qualified for the position. That's such B.S. There are so many jobs that I could do standing on my head after two weeks of training, but because I don't have a piece of paper that says "I spent the past 4 years in classrooms with teachers who don't even speak English learning how to do this job from a book, but not actually DOING anything" I somehow don't qualify for the job.

It just makes me feel so lost. Trapped. Like there's nothing I can do to make more money without spending more money. I'm sorry but 5 years of extra schooling should be enough. We shouldn't all be required to get Master's or Doctorate degrees. I know plenty of people with Master's who are still idiots, they just happen to have spent a lot of time in school.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Wig Haul

Bought some new wigs :)

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Step Outside Your Little Box

I think it's easy for us to get so stuck in something, that we are very relectant to change. Even when we complain that we don't like the way things are going, we don't always want to switch things up because "what if it starts working?" I recently had a friend help me change my resume since I've been getting very little if any response to what I've been sending out. For the most part, it was more format changing than content. I liked the new look and everything, I was just kind of being lazy to use it. I already had my old one saved to my computer and in my e-mail. It was just "easier" to continue to send that one out. But I finally sucked it up and made the necessary changes to start using the new one. To my surprise, I actually heard back from a job I applied to. Was it the new resume layout? Who's to say? The point is - I wanted a change, I asked for and accepted help and gave the change a try.

I find a lot of people are in the same boat. They don't like the way things are going, they ask for help and feedback and suggestions - and then don't make any changes. Because they're scared, lazy, or want to wait until what they're doing works. How stupid is that? I can't tell you how many people I know have had diet/exercise questions ~ I have given them advice of things that have worked for me ~ and they respond with "well this is what I'm doing so I'm going to stick with that for a while." I'm thinking "hello? Did you not just say that wasn't working? Why would you continue to do what you know isn't working?!" But in the end, I can't change things for you. If you want to continue on doing something you yourself said wasn't doing it for you, that's up to you.

The thing is, most adjustments aren't permanent. Why don't you just try one of the suggestions you've been given and if after a week .... two weeks it doesn't work, then don't do it anymore. What have you got to lose? If you've already conceded that what you are doing isn't working, what will it hurt to try something else? It's certainly a better idea than continuing to complain and ask for advice that you will never take.

sweet charity

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

It's Possible?

The weather has been gorgeous this week! I was excited to go for a "run" (by run I mean jog, but saying go for a run sounds better) outside yesterday. I'm not sure if it's sad that the highlights of my day yesterday were
A) Taking a nap when I got home
B) Exercising in yoga pants that fit and didn't slide off my ass as I ran
C) My delicious salmon dinner. I'm seriously addicted to salmon right now.
That does sound pretty pathetic as highlights go...but ah well. I'm boring. Sorry.

As I was "running" I was really focusing on not taking breaks. One of the things I'm working on is my endurance, so I try to run for as long as I can without stopping. I did have to stop a couple times and kind of bounce around in place for 30 seconds or so, but then I'd just pick back up and keep going. I noticed that my recovery time - the amount of time I need to bounce in place before I run again - has drastically decreased. Even when I was revovering, I still felt pretty good. I wasn't panting and dying, I just needed a little repreive. I used to need two minutes, at the least to get my heart rate back down and catch my breath. Yesterday I noticed that as soon as I stopped, my heart rate would start to slow down, and that's good.

So while I was running in my size small Victoria's Secret yoga pants, I was really happy that they were staying put. My mediums had been sliding down while I tried to workout, thus the purchase of the smalls. I was also kind of amazed that I was wearing a small and running continuously. It's really strange for a former fat person once they lose the weight. Some people who are trying to lose weight are trying to get back down to where they once were - before they gained weight. I however, have always been a chubster. So as I lose I keep getting to the smallest I've ever been, and it's strange. I still don't think I look like I should be wearing a small. I tend to think that if I do fit into one, the sizing of that company must run big. But the realization got me thinking about my ultimate goal.

I know in my head where I want my body to be. I know how much weight I want to lose and what I want my body to look like. Even when people tell me I look great, while I appreciate it - they're comparing me to what I used to be where as I compare me to where I'm trying to get. I'm not gonna lie, while I work really hard to attain that goal - it does seem a little impossible sometimes. I've NEVER had a flat stomach. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to not have to suck in my gut. And I started to think - you can actually do this. You can ACTUALLY get that body. Holy crap - you're gonna have a flat stomach!

It's kind of strange to think about it. Even though it's what I always wanted, actually picturing myself with that body FOR REAL seems a little...odd. More than that, it seems possible.

And I know there are people out there who say "my body wasn't made to looke like _____" or "it's in my genetics, I'll never be ________" and that's crap. It's just pure crap. Does my body have a certain shape that probably won't change? Yeah, most likely. I'm sure my thighs will always be one pant size larger than my waist. Because even when I burn the fat there, I still have pretty sizeable muscles in my legs. It's even hard to fit skinny jeans around my calves. Does that mean that my thighs will stay the size they are now while the rest of me shrinks? No - that's ridiculous. There are certain things that are beyond our control, but losing weight is NOT one of them. It's possible people. There's so much possible out there for those of us willing to work to get it without making excuses.

What's your possible?

sweet charity