Monday, April 12, 2010


So I'm having a tough morning. Mostly because I'm crawling out of my skin. It has a lot to do with the fact that I took a full dose of hydroxycut this morning since I was up at 5am - I figured it would help me wake up. Well it did, but now it's also making me overly agitated. As if I need that at my already agitating job. At least I know why I feel this way so it's easier to manage it. No more full dosage for me, I'm still not ready for it.

The weekend is always too short. I have a phenomenal time, usually am super productive and then the work week comes back all too soon. It's funny that it's called the work week since I'm pretty sure I get more done in a two day weekend than I do all week at work. This past Sunday, I awoke early - cleaned my room, did my workout, and then got a surprise lunch invite from an old friend. By the time I had gotten through the morning, got ready to go out and met up for lunch - I realized that I hadn't eaten yet that day. I got up at 8 and met for lunch at 1 and hadn't managed a meal yet - and didn't even notice. I was so busy running around all morning that I just hadn't had time to eat.

Most days, my life revolves around meal time. Since I do nothing for a large portion of the day at work, my planned meals are kind of my focus because at least it's something to do. Sunday made me realize how much I hate this. I miss being extremely busy. I miss having a job that I LOVE where I'm running around doing something every second of the day. I find I'm so much more productive when I'm busy. This job is making me lazy. It's to the point that when there is work to do, I don't feel like doing it - because I'm already doing nothing. It's bad. Real bad. I don't want to be busy doing stuff I don't care about either. I'm starting to feel like there isn't a job that I can get that I will love. It's a really depressing thought, but it's honestly starting to feel that way. I don't know what it is I want to do. Well - I do know what I WANT to do, but a summer job that lasts for six weeks doesn't qualify as a career. And I don't have the credentials to make it into a career. And the idea of going back to school and accruing more loan debt is just unacceptable. I know student loan debt doesn't bother some people, but debt of any kind bothers me. It seriously makes me depressed to be in debt of any kind, and I'm working so hard to get out of it. I simply refuse to add to existing debt with more schooling.

What happened to the days of learning on the job? I don't get why so many jobs insist that having a degree would make you more qualified for the position. That's such B.S. There are so many jobs that I could do standing on my head after two weeks of training, but because I don't have a piece of paper that says "I spent the past 4 years in classrooms with teachers who don't even speak English learning how to do this job from a book, but not actually DOING anything" I somehow don't qualify for the job.

It just makes me feel so lost. Trapped. Like there's nothing I can do to make more money without spending more money. I'm sorry but 5 years of extra schooling should be enough. We shouldn't all be required to get Master's or Doctorate degrees. I know plenty of people with Master's who are still idiots, they just happen to have spent a lot of time in school.

1 comment:

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