On Being a Size 4 and Buying Pretty Things

One of the motivational tools I use for my weight loss efforts is buying jeans that are a tad bit too small for me to fit into just yet. I hang them in my closet facing me as a daily reminder of where I'm trying to get. I've been wearing my last pair of "inspiration jeans" for most of the year and they are now starting to get big. That's pretty exciting for me and I decided it was time to get me some more inspiration.

Most jeans are a tough fit for me. My thighs are proportionately bigger than my waist - so finding a pair that will fit past my larger thighs but still fit my waist is usually a challenge. I buy most of my jeans from Lucky Brand because they usually have what I like and I'm too lazy to experiment with a ton of other brands. Since I was wearing a size 6 that was slightly large, I figured a size 4 in the same style would be just small enough to feed my inspiration. I tried the size 4 on and much to my surprise and amazement - they actually fit.

Size 4 - Lucky Brand

I was kind of taken back, this was not what I was expecting. I was even a little worried. Where do I go from here? If I fit a 4, am I supposed to buy a 2 for inspiration? No. That seems kind of weird. Picturing myself as a size 2 just seems ... scary for some reason. It's not that I'm unhappy with my current size. I actually think a 4 is pretty damn good and never really aspired to be smaller than that. But I am still working on my body fat percentage. My muffin top has shrunk, but is not gone completely.

Ultimately, I walked out of the store with nothing. I've decided not to buy any more jeans until I've reached my goal body. That might still be a size 4 - just shaped differently. And I guess it could also be a 2.

However - I did not leave the mall empty handed, it is sale season after all. For some reason - I just LOVE having shiny little shopping bags. I remember being younger and having neither the money nor the body to get the things that I wanted. Then once I got the money, it was just a dream that I would someday be able to fit in the clothes that looked so stunning in the store windows. It's taken over ten years to get here - but now I get to bring home shiny shopping bags with clothes that fit me that I can (somewhat) afford. And it feels really good to have accomplished some goals.

Shiny shopping bags!

Got this workout zip-up  from Bebe,
but in black

Got this from Arden B. - love their sales!

I Want What You Got

A post not really about eyelashes. I promise.

I like doing my eye-makeup. I'm not sure when or how this fascination began. I think it was when my friend had a job working for MAC cosmetics and I would go visit her and be envious of all the eye make-up of everyone working there. I'm pretty sure that's where the obsession started. I like all the variations of color you can do. On any given day I may have up to ten colors on my eyelids at once. I've never been a huge fan of my eyelashes though. I've always wanted them to be longer and fuller. I actually have eyelash envy of women with natural full lashes.

I feel like most of us have that one (or two, or three) things about us that we envy other people for having. Eyelashes are among several other things I'm jealous of. Some other examples would be : a fast metabolism, a rich benefactor... but I digress. When one of my friends got married last year, I was a bridesmaid and all of the bridesmaids had their make-up done by professionals. They added faux corner lashes to all of our eyes. When she went to add my corner lashes, she commented "oh - you're lashes are already long." And I said "Really?!" Here, a make-up proffessional, who puts fake lashes on people every day - just told me my stubby, unimpressive lashes were long. What? I though she was maybe just trying to be nice. (Because it's totally normal for people who are trying to be nice to comment on eyelashes. Duh.) A couple other people have mentioned something to me about my lashes since then. Granted - I wear about 5 kinds of different mascaras to get my lashes to look long and thick - but they still aren't what I want them to be.

I think it's easy to look at others and see what we DON'T have. It's not wrong to want something better or want something more or want something different. However, I do think we need to appreciate what we have more. Granted, I could still use some Jennifer Love Hewitt style lash extensions but I have learned to appreciate that my lashes are pretty long depending on who I'm comparing them to. And there are people who have medical conditions where they can't grow lashes at all, so I really do appreciate that at least other people think I have long lashes. I still haven't quite reached my body goals yet. And when other people look at me like I'm crazy for wanting to lose more weight, I look at them like they're crazy for not seeing my fat. But I can appreciate that depending on the perspective it's coming from - my body size is someone else's body goal.

Just something I've been thinking about lately. You may want what someone else has, but what you have may be exactly what someone else wants.

When Does It End?

I'm a fighter by nature. No matter what, I will always work as hard as I can to fix any given situation in my life. I don't always fight right away, but eventually - I realize that the only solution is for me to try. Life isn't fair and we all get a raw deal sometimes, but that's no excuse to give up. Karma isn't real and doing good won't bring good to you - there's a lot of shitty people out there who seem to be doing pretty well for themselves, but again - that's life. I don't subscribe to the idea that "putting it out there into the universe" and positive thinking will bring you anything. I've tried it - and it's just not for me. Not to say that I think it's a horrible idea - it actually makes a lot of sense. Being positive about something and thinking positively about the outcome is gonna be a lot more helpful than nay-saying what you're doing all along the way. But ultimately - it comes down to me, myself and what I physically do to make something happen.

I'm at a very frustrating point in my life. I guess, at 29 - I am technically an adult. Though I feel no more like one than I did on my 18th birthday. The way I envisioned my life at 29 is very different than the reality I'm living. And it seems as though all of my friends around me have what I assumed I would have, but don't. And it's not as though I don't work for it. I've had a minimum of two jobs since I was 19 and had at least one job for 4 years before that. I don't know what it's like to get a paycheck from one job and have that be enough. I've been on a steady quest for weight loss for over ten years. I don't backslide and gain back weight I've lost, I just never seem to be able to reach my goal size. I'm single - have been for years, and likely will be for quite some time. That doesn't really bug me as much as other things, but it does make me ponder... My car hates me. Truly, truly just hates me and wants to make me as miserable as is humanly possible and is completely succeeding.

The fighter in me knows that there's no choice but to keep trying and to try harder. I mean, the alternative is to give up and what will that get you? But I also wonder when it stops. When do I get to have one salary and have that actually be enough to live on? When will men (who are my age and straight) realize how fabulous I am? When will my body stop fighting me and just reach my goals already? When will my car stop needing repairs? (I know the answer to that one - probably when it dies completely or gets totalled in a wreck.) I've been told that hard work pays off - and I'm just waiting for that to be true for me.

Food Prep and This Week's Menu

I try to prepare most of my food for the week at the beginning of the week. Here's what my meals look like this week. For the most part, it's the same every day with minor variations for schedule changes.

First Thing: 1 scoop protein, 1 cup blueberries, 10oz water

Breakfast: 2 eggs, 2 whites scrambled with onion, pepper, spinach, mushroom and low fat mozzerella cheese, 4 veggie sausage links

Snack: Boca burger with 1/4 avocado, 1 slice tomato, mustard, lettuce, 2 slices of turkey bacon

Lunch: 3 cups lettuce, 1 cup cucumber, 1 cup strawberries, 3oz. chicken, 2 slices turkey bacon, 1 hard boiled egg, fresh squeezed lemon

Snack: 4 oz. ground turkey breast, 2 cups stir fry vegetables

Snack: Chocolate Shakeology, 10 oz. water

Post Workout: 1 scoop Results & Recovery Formula, 10 oz. water

Dinner: salmon, 1 cup broccoli, 1/8 cup low fat feta

Water all day long

To prep for this, I go food shopping on the weekend and
- cook all the meats: chicken, turkey, bacon - enough for the week
- cut up the produce and store in separate tupperware - cucumber, berries, mushroom, onion, asparagus

The night before
- prepare all meals in tupperware so I can just grab and go

The only thing I cook daily is the scrambled eggs and then dinner since I'm actually home by that time. Tupperware is my BFF.

Comment with questions :)

xoxo,
Sweet Charity

www.sweetcme.com

My Thoughts On The Scale

I am quickly realizing that diet and weight loss can make you crazy. I know this about myself, but apparently it is universally true. At least I don't feel so alone. My paranoia is not mine alone. Now that I recognize that I have the problem, I am able to work on it. I am happy to say that I am no longer a slave to my scale. Yes, I still use it and I still weigh in - but I do not freak out when it doesn't do what I want.

I have read soooo many posts by people whose focus is entirely on the scale. So much so, that they miss the ENTIRE point of what they're doing, which was to drop some pant sizes. Unfortunately, the scale is the most widely accepted unit of measurement for weight loss. And I suppose that has something to do with the fact that what we refer to as wanting to get in better shape is "weight loss" as opposed to saying that we want to "get fit" or "get in shape." The truth of the matter is - getting fit does not always equal losing weight. At a certain point, getting fit could equal gaining weight. It depends on what you're doing, how you're doing it and what your ultimate goal is.

It is absolutely bonkers to me that some people are losing inches, feeling better, looking better and their clothes are starting to fall of of them - yet ALL they care about are the numbers on the scale. Do you know how crazy that sounds?! So, let me get this straight - your body is getting smaller, your clothes are getting too big, your muscles are getting defined, but you're upset because if someone tried to physically pick you up right now - you wouldn't be as "light" as you wanted to be?

That.Is.Crazy.

What if the scale didn't exist? What if it wasn't the most widely recognized unit of measurement for weight loss progress? What if the tape measure was the only progress indicator you had aside from what you could see in the mirror and feel in your clothes? How important would your physical mass be then? I understand that we all want to be smaller in numbers on the scale, but seriously? You can't ignore all the other signs of your progress and bank it ALL on three numbers that have less to do with your progress and more to do with whether or not you're bloated that day.

If you are trying to get fit, having a scale is kind of like having chocolate around. If you can handle having chocolate around you without feeling the need to consume it all the time - then you're ok. If you do consume it a little more than you should, but you're ok with dealing with those consequences - then fine. But if having chocolate around you means you'll devour it and then feel completely horrible afterwards, then DON'T have chocolate around you!
Same with your scale.
If you can keep your scale, but use it only as one of many indicators of your progress - ok. If you use it out of curiosity but don't freak out every time you look at it - great. If you're so consumed with the number it gives you that you truly don't recognize losing inches as more quantifiable progress than losing pounds - it's time for you to put the scale away. Or be put in a crazy house.

xoxo,
Sweet Charity

Trust Me - It Ain't Worth It

So far, I have done three programs and gotten a few supplements from BeachBody.com. I ordered all of my workout programs, Slim in 6, P90X and Insanity directly from the website. I paid full price for them, got my deliveries within a week of ordering with everything that I needed for each workout. My DVDs are all functional and have given me no trouble. Were some of the things I got a little pricey? Yes. Absolutely. But to me - it's worth it. Losing weight is a big priority for me, so I'm willing to make investments where needed. I literally had to save up money from a couple of paychecks to get some stuff - but I haven't been disappointed. I like getting the full fitness and nutrition guide books and also having the support of Beach Body.

I can totally understand and appreciate that there are some people out there who are not willing to make the same kind of investment. Some of the programs may be a little more than you can/are willing to invest in at this time. Now, my intent is not to offend ANYONE. But as per usual, if you take offense to what I say - then you're taking that on yourself, and you probably wouldn't be offended if I wasn't right - so that's really your issue. But just let me explain what could happen if you decide to go twenty bucks cheaper and get the programs somewhere else.

If you find it cheaper than the Beach Body website, it's illegal. Period. Amazon is licensed to sell Beach Body products, but it's more expensive there AND does not carry the Beach Body guarantees. DVD skipping? Take it up with Amazon. 90 day money back guarantee? Amazon doesn't offer that. Bought it from an Amazon e-store or e-bay? You're screwed - neither Amazon nor Beach Body can help you.

I'm not sure who else is a licensed retailer, but rest assured if it's cheaper - it's not licensed. Yes, they are very good copies. They look just like the real thing. If they can duplicate an iphone that's not really an iphone, I'm sure that DVDs and books are not really a big challenge. And perhaps the pirated copy you receive will work fine, I can't really say. I'm just saying that I have heard TONS of complaints from people who received a faulty product that they could not return or get help with because they decided to risk problems buying an illegal copy. Now which one of us wasted their money? Honestly, I'll pay the extra bucks just to know that A)my DVDs won't skip or be missing B)if they do, they'll be replaced and C)my products will stand the test of time and I can re-use them.

I just find it baffling how many people say they care about their fitness and really wanna lose weight, but "oh, I can't afford that". Really? Cuz I certainly saw you afford that last cheesesteak and fries you ate and that night out at the bar. If you stopped spending so much money on being un-healthy, you'd have plenty left over to get fit. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I work too hard to sugar coat it for you. If you wanna get fit, you'll do it. If you don't, you'll make excuses.

xoxo,
Sweet Charity

Maybe It's All In My Head

So I've been wondering if all of my weight loss progress is all in my head. Maybe I wasn't that big to begin with? Maybe I haven't lost as much weight as I thought? Do I have body dysmorphia? Because I can still see where there's a lot of work to be done, yet other people keep telling me I'm small. I look at pictures and I can definitely see progress, but I still see what I need to work on. Is all the progress I'm seeing in my head too?

My friend was telling me a story about being at a ball game and seeing a girl there with her muffin top on full display. She was wearing jeans that were too tight, and a cropped shirt, literally putting her muffin top on display. The thought of this horrified me. I have never, ever been one to let my stomach show when it shouldn't. Even when you have a shirt that's a little short and your belly pokes out a little bit - that drives me crazy if you're not fit enough to get away with it. My jeans are (were) always strategically placed so as to avoid any muffin toppage. And since I was young - I've sucked my stomach in when in public. Always. It's to the point that I don't even realize I'm doing it. When I try to take true measurements, I have to make an effort to be sure I'm NOT sucking in. Anytime there is fabric touching my stomach, my reflex is to suck my stomach in. I figure that's why I'm so good at doing ab exercises - my life is one big ab-crunch.

So it occurred to me, maybe it's not that I have a lack of progress - it's that I've hidden what my true body looks like for so long - people can't tell the difference! Now - I don't have to strategically place my jeans because my muffin top is no where near as noticeable. I can just let my waistband sit where it may. But you wouldn't know that unless you're me. I hid the muffin top before so you didn't know it was there. Now I'm not hiding, cuz it's not there - but how would you know the difference? It's the same way that people keep telling me I don't need breast implants. That's because what you see daily as a full B cup is really an elaborate set up of me double-padded-bra-ing under every outfit I wear. It would be nice to not have to put on a show in that arena anymore too.

I think because so much of my life is focused on weight loss, it seems strange to me that other people don't seem to notice. But most of these people - I see every day. They may not necessarily notice because they see me day-to-day as opposed to seeing just my start and end results. I think people also get a set picture of you in their head and then believe that that is how you SHOULD look (unless you're morbidly obese). I have people telling me all the time that if I get any smaller, I wouldn't look right. That sounds completely ridiculous to me! It's not like I'm at Lindsay Lohan or Nicole Ritchie status. Being too thin because you don't eat is not the same as being so fit that you have a low body fat percentage. Personally - I think I'd look kick-ass at a size 2, though that is not my goal. I don't care what size I am so long as the body fat issue is under control. I could go on and on about this particular subject, and I will...in another blog.

I think the point is that change is gradual. And for those who see it as it's happening, they tend to forget where you started and only remember what they've seen recently. Unless it's someone whose close to you - like family. They tend to remember only where you started and compare you to that constantly. So, to them you may be "too thin" simply because they're used to you being so fat. I'm glad I know what my goal is. I know what I'm doing, what I'm doing it for and what I want the end result to be. I notice my progress and I appreciate the changes and really - that's all that matters.

xoxo,
Sweet Charity

Step Outside Your Little Box

I think it's easy for us to get so stuck in something, that we are very relectant to change. Even when we complain that we don't like the way things are going, we don't always want to switch things up because "what if it starts working?" I recently had a friend help me change my resume since I've been getting very little if any response to what I've been sending out. For the most part, it was more format changing than content. I liked the new look and everything, I was just kind of being lazy to use it. I already had my old one saved to my computer and in my e-mail. It was just "easier" to continue to send that one out. But I finally sucked it up and made the necessary changes to start using the new one. To my surprise, I actually heard back from a job I applied to. Was it the new resume layout? Who's to say? The point is - I wanted a change, I asked for and accepted help and gave the change a try.

I find a lot of people are in the same boat. They don't like the way things are going, they ask for help and feedback and suggestions - and then don't make any changes. Because they're scared, lazy, or want to wait until what they're doing works. How stupid is that? I can't tell you how many people I know have had diet/exercise questions ~ I have given them advice of things that have worked for me ~ and they respond with "well this is what I'm doing so I'm going to stick with that for a while." I'm thinking "hello? Did you not just say that wasn't working? Why would you continue to do what you know isn't working?!" But in the end, I can't change things for you. If you want to continue on doing something you yourself said wasn't doing it for you, that's up to you.

The thing is, most adjustments aren't permanent. Why don't you just try one of the suggestions you've been given and if after a week .... two weeks it doesn't work, then don't do it anymore. What have you got to lose? If you've already conceded that what you are doing isn't working, what will it hurt to try something else? It's certainly a better idea than continuing to complain and ask for advice that you will never take.

xoxo,
sweet charity
<3

It's Possible?

The weather has been gorgeous this week! I was excited to go for a "run" (by run I mean jog, but saying go for a run sounds better) outside yesterday. I'm not sure if it's sad that the highlights of my day yesterday were
A) Taking a nap when I got home
B) Exercising in yoga pants that fit and didn't slide off my ass as I ran
and
C) My delicious salmon dinner. I'm seriously addicted to salmon right now.
That does sound pretty pathetic as highlights go...but ah well. I'm boring. Sorry.

As I was "running" I was really focusing on not taking breaks. One of the things I'm working on is my endurance, so I try to run for as long as I can without stopping. I did have to stop a couple times and kind of bounce around in place for 30 seconds or so, but then I'd just pick back up and keep going. I noticed that my recovery time - the amount of time I need to bounce in place before I run again - has drastically decreased. Even when I was revovering, I still felt pretty good. I wasn't panting and dying, I just needed a little repreive. I used to need two minutes, at the least to get my heart rate back down and catch my breath. Yesterday I noticed that as soon as I stopped, my heart rate would start to slow down, and that's good.

So while I was running in my size small Victoria's Secret yoga pants, I was really happy that they were staying put. My mediums had been sliding down while I tried to workout, thus the purchase of the smalls. I was also kind of amazed that I was wearing a small and running continuously. It's really strange for a former fat person once they lose the weight. Some people who are trying to lose weight are trying to get back down to where they once were - before they gained weight. I however, have always been a chubster. So as I lose I keep getting to the smallest I've ever been, and it's strange. I still don't think I look like I should be wearing a small. I tend to think that if I do fit into one, the sizing of that company must run big. But the realization got me thinking about my ultimate goal.

I know in my head where I want my body to be. I know how much weight I want to lose and what I want my body to look like. Even when people tell me I look great, while I appreciate it - they're comparing me to what I used to be where as I compare me to where I'm trying to get. I'm not gonna lie, while I work really hard to attain that goal - it does seem a little impossible sometimes. I've NEVER had a flat stomach. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to not have to suck in my gut. And I started to think - you can actually do this. You can ACTUALLY get that body. Holy crap - you're gonna have a flat stomach!

It's kind of strange to think about it. Even though it's what I always wanted, actually picturing myself with that body FOR REAL seems a little...odd. More than that, it seems possible.

And I know there are people out there who say "my body wasn't made to looke like _____" or "it's in my genetics, I'll never be ________" and that's crap. It's just pure crap. Does my body have a certain shape that probably won't change? Yeah, most likely. I'm sure my thighs will always be one pant size larger than my waist. Because even when I burn the fat there, I still have pretty sizeable muscles in my legs. It's even hard to fit skinny jeans around my calves. Does that mean that my thighs will stay the size they are now while the rest of me shrinks? No - that's ridiculous. There are certain things that are beyond our control, but losing weight is NOT one of them. It's possible people. There's so much possible out there for those of us willing to work to get it without making excuses.

What's your possible?

xoxo,
sweet charity
www.beachbodycoach.com/sweetcharity
~<3~

Baby Steps

Although there are only a handful of things that I'm working on improving in my life, the work it takes to improve all of these things can sometimes be overwhelming. I try to keep reminding myself that I don't have to accomplish anything overnight. When I try to focus on the steps that will get me to where I need to be instead of always taking in the big picture, it helps.

I have some debt to pay off. Paying down debt amidst living expenses and "luxury" money is tough. Typically my "luxury" money is used for groceries and gas. But I do believe you have to invest in things that are important as well as "splurging" here and there. My investments include work out clothes that fit (since the old ones are too big, yay!), my next work out program - INSANITY, and my meal replacement SHAKEOLOGY. I know to some people - these seem like frivolous things to spend money on, but these are all contributing to me working on goals that I've set. It just so happens that most of my goals require financial investment.

Of course losing weight is a huge goal of mine. As I mentioned above, I'm investing in it financially as well as physically. I know where I want my body to be and how I want it to look. It does feel like it's taking longer than it should, but I have to focus on my day to day efforts. I have to focus on the fact that I did pull ups for the first time last week. And on the fact that I ran for 50 minutes straight. I have to focus on the fact that I'm still losing inches, even if it's only one or two at a time.

My hair has grown. I wouldn't consider it long, and it's definitely not as thick as when I was younger. But it has grown. As evidenced by the fact that the back used to be bleached from the root, and now it's all my natural color.

Job hunting is daunting, especially in this economy. Applying for job after job and hearing NOTHING in return can really wear on your self esteem. It makes you wonder, start asking questions - is my resume horrible? Am I unqualified for everything? But you have to keep trying - or stay at the job you're miserable at.

I've started going to church again. I was mainly trying to find a place where I felt like it actually related to my modern life. The group is really nice and inviting and not judgemental at all. However, I sometimes just feel "not as holy" if that makes sense. When the pastor talks about living your life for God, that seems like a pretty tall order. Aren't THOSE Christians really boring? Wouldn't my life be really boring? I do believe in God and I am a Christian, but sometimes the rules that go along with that seem pretty difficult to follow.

Luckily, I am currently employed. So I don't NEED a new job this second. I want one, but for the time being I'm not desperate. I'm making more than the minimum payment on my debt. I want it all to go away right now. I would love to be debt free. But my credit score is good and I'm making gains toward getting things paid off. Does my hair grow slower than everyone else's? Sure feels like it. But I do have hair, and it is growing albeit slower than I'd like. I'm putting effort into all of the areas of my life that I want to change. I'm not just sitting back and wishing for a difference. I am taking the necessary steps that will eventually lead me to reach my goals. Baby steps, though they may be, are still moving me forward.

"I Don't Wanna Get Too Bulky"

I just gotta get this off my chest - because it makes me crazy. I hear SO many women say they don't want to lift weights or do P90X because they don't want to get too bulky. Honestly, how many fit and in shape women do you know PERSONALLY that you would describe as bulky? Ok, how many have you seen - outside of fitness magazines and competitions?

I personally know 2 women who compete professionally, and they are the closest thing I've seen to "bulky". Ladies, you're not going to pick up a weight and all of the sudden turn into a professional male wrestler. It doesn't work that way. Our bodies were not made to get large like that. There is so much work and effort and supplements that you would have to purposely invest to manipulate your muscles to a point that could be described as "bulky". It's not gonna happen by accident. It's certainly not gonna happen by you picking up a 15lb. dumbbell.

Excuse #2 - I don't really need to build muscle, I just want to lose weight

Guess what? Muscle burns fat. Yup, you heard me. So when you're sitting at your desk at work, doing nothing - your muscles are burning fat. The more muscle you have, the more efficiently that fat is burned. That's why lots of women who are slim also have very toned muscles. Those muscles helped them get slim. And how do you get toned muscles? You need to lift weights. Or - use your own body weight as resistance.

Take it from someone who knows.

www.beachbodycoach.com/sweetcharity

Personal Best!

I did not feel like working out tonight. I felt tired and stressed and bloated and I really just wanted to curl up in bed and watch TV. So I hemmed and hawed and procrastinated, but I finally got my butt out the door and to the gym.

I've been working on improving my cardio-vascular endurance. It's one of my weaker points and I'm especially trying to prep to start Insanity. There's a couple ways to work on your endurance - the method I'm going with is just trying to jog/run for long periods of time without breaks. I remember the first time I managed a 15 minute jog without stopping. At the time, it was the longest I'd gone actally jogging and not stopping and it was AWESOME. More recently, I've been able to get up to 25 and 30 minutes of continuous jogging with no breaks. Improvement is happening.

So tonight, I figured I'd just do a half hour on the treadmill and then a half on the elliptical. The elliptical is way easier and I don't count it towards endurance because it's too easy to vary speed. I do ten minutes of walking on an incline as a warm-up, then bring the incline down to 2.0 and jog at around 5.0 speed, increasing by 0.1 every 5 minutes. The last 5 minutes I go up by 0.2 every minute so I end with a "kick". Knowing I was doing less than my usual 45 minutes - I started the jog at 5.3. By the time I hit 29 minutes and 5.6 speed, I felt really good. I decided to keep going and upped the time to 45 minutes. Well, at 44 minutes and 5.9 speed, I thought "How awesome would it be if I could make it to 60?" So that's what I did. At 45 minutes, I upped the speed to 6.0, at 50 minutes to 6.1, at 55 minutes to 6.2 and knowing that I've done a kick of at least 7.0 before - at 55 minutes I started upping the speed in increments of 0.1 every 30 seconds. In the 59th minute, I upped it every 20 seconds.



I didn't stop or slow down once in the entire hour! I started running at a 5.3 and ended the run at 7.2! This is a new personal best for me. The fastest and longest I've EVER run. And that includes doing the mile run in high school. I'm kind of in shock and disbelief. Like, I don't know if I could do that again. I don't know how I did it in the first place! I'm hoping I can be consistent, and of course get better. So maybe I'll make it past day one of Insanity.

I'm Sorry, But That's A Size What?

I refuse to buy anything in a size large. It's a matter of principal. I was a large for so long, that now I just don't want anything that says "large". But I fully expect to be a medium in most things - unless it's a line of clothing that runs big. There are very few things that I purposely wear loose, it's just not my style. However - in some of the teeny bopper stores that I still shop in (hey, someone thought I was 22 this weekend - so why not) I understand that the clothes are made for a younger demographic and tend to run a little smaller.

So, needless to say I went shopping this weekend. A very dangerous field for me since I have little self control. I wanted to find some sweatshirts to wear to and from the gym. I have some now - but they're like sweatshirts I actually like to wear for fashion and I don't want them forever smelling like sweat, as will happen with any gym clothes. I managed to resist buying any new jeans at Lucky Brand, which believe me - is not easy. I was able to remind myself that I don't want/need any more jeans at my current size. I really have plenty that fit me now, I want some that will fit new me. Size 4 me. Well, Lucky Brand size 4 anyway - which is basically a real size 6.

But I digress.

To get to the point, I bought a couple sweatshirts and a shirt-dress. Shirts = size XS. Shirt-dress - size small. My gut reaction when I fit clothing that small is to think - it must run big. I can't be an actual small or x-small in clothes designed for teenagers. No one with hips, thighs and a butt this large could truly be a small. But, here it is....





It makes me wonder how other people see me. I suppose I could have a case of body dysmorphia. I look in the mirror and only see what needs fixing, as opposed to what looks good. I'm still a little disbelieving. A couple size smalls does not a small girl make. But it could make a small girl in the making.

No Muffins For Me, Thx

So I noticed something today, or should I say I've been noticing something lately. Though I am still disappointed with my reflection and the scale - I must admit I have passed a milestone. One of my major issues is that my thighs are industry-standard one size larger in proportion to my waist. This means, in order to find pants that fit me - they have to fit my thighs and not so much my waist, making them one size too large for my waist. The only realy way to fix this is belts. Wearing the belt tight enough to keep the pants up creates the dreaded muffin top. Unlike some women, who are completely oblivious to this ridiculous orb of fat that sits on top of their jeans - I am ever concious of my muffin top. I can feel it sitting on top of my pants especially when I'm wearing a belt. I can usually strategically have my pants sitting in just such a way, that the muffin top situation is avoided. However, when I sit down for long periods of time (which is all the time at my stupid sit down do nothing job) the strategic placement of my pants shifts. So every time I stand up, I have to re-adjust to hide the muffin top.

My office is covered in mirrors at every corner - so there's no forgetting to cover the muffin top. This week - I have not had to adjust my pants at all. Today, I'm wearing one of the most epic examples of pants that fit my thighs and not my waist. (Side note - American Eagle pants fit me HORRIBLY! I should stop buying them. Lucky Brand Jeans come the closest to a real fit - particularly the Lolas. Anywhoo......) I kind of had to double check a couple times so far this morning. I just can't believe that I don't have to re-adjust to hide my muffin top! Don't get me wrong, it's still there. I absolutely still have a spare tire of flab that NEEDS to go, but since it's smaller it's not noticeable under my sweater. That's the advantage to cooler weather.

So, while I'm still not where I want to be - I will fully acknowledge this as a milestone in my journey. Or a pit-stop, on the way to banishing the muffin top for good.

I Challenge Myself

So, I am starting Phase 3 of P90X. This phase is 5 weeks long. So far - on this round of the X, I have lost 6 pounds. But really, most of that has come from the change in my eating habits. So for this last phase, I am really trying to "bring it" in the kitchen as well as in the workouts. I'm still kind of trial and erroring with how many calories I should have a day, but we'll see what happens.

Here, for your viewing pleasure and for my accountability is what my meal plan will consist of for the next five weeks. This is my own personal food challenge, but I invite ANYONE to join me if they'd like :) The calorie intake can be anywhere from 1500 to 1700, depending on the number of workouts that day and on how I feel. When my body tells me I'm truly hungry, I listen to it.

My P90X Phase 3 Diet
All food must be from the top two tiers of Michi's ladder
No dairy
No salt
I get one cheat day per week to eat what I want (I wouldn't make it without this)

Pre-Morning Resistance Workout: Banana with almond butter

Post-Morning Workout: Whey protein, blueberries & flaxseed oil
(OR Shakeology if I order it anytime soon)

Breakfast: Scrambled egg whites with spinach, corn, onion and pepper ~ either on tomato, mustard and veggie chicken pattty
OR
on tomato, avocado and whole grain flatbread

Snack: rye crisps with hummus
OR
veggies and hummus
OR
brown rice cakes and peanut butter

Lunch: stir fry veggies, brown rice, black beans, protein (chicken, tuna, salmon)
OR
protein (chicken, tuna, salmon) broccoli or green beans, sweet potato

Snack: brown rice cakes with peanut butter
OR
carrots with peanut butter or hummus

Dinner: salad greens, green pepper, hard boiled egg whites, olives and protein(chicken, tuna, salmon) with fat-free, sugar-free, everything free dressing

Post-Evening Workout: Casein protein with almond milk and strawberries

Quick-Grab Options: whole wheat bagel, oatmeal, veggie burger, peanuts, apple


Well, there it is folks. My food layout for the next 5 weeks. As my coach says, if you fail to plan - you plan to fail. Let me know if you have any questions/suggestions.

www.teambeachbody.com/sweetcharity

You Need A Mantra

Recently, I've been waking up at 5am to fit my second workout into the day. I am NOT a morning person. Not in the slightest. In fact, DO NOT attempt to conversate with me before I've had breakfast or before 9am, whichever happens first. You would think that after 29 years, my mother of all people would have realized this about me. And yet, she repeatedly attempts to start conversations with me at 8 am and then wonders why I'm so pissy. I remind her of this constantly, and yet...no change. I hope it's not Alzheimer's.

Anywho, I do not enjoy waking up early - but I do it. I'm not the hugest fan of not being able to eat what I want, whenever I want and instead counting calories and tracking carbs - but I do it. I don't neccessarily want to work out every day, twice a day - but I do it. Is it because I'm crazy? Perhaps. But more because I know what I want and I know what it will take to get there and I'm willing to work for it. It's worth it to me.

What's it worth to you?

I have several phrases, sayings, "mantras" if you will, that come to mind during my fitness struggles. Some of them may seem corny to you as other people's seem to me. That's ok. Get your own. What phrase is really gonna hit home for you and cause you to work harder? "What's it worth to you?" Is one of my favorites. Is it worth me waking up at 5am and working out twice a day if it will eventually get me in a size 4? - YES. Is it worth forgoing that piece of chocolate that I will literally remove my left arm for if I can drop an extra pound? - YES. This is what it's worth for ME. It does not have to apply to you, but when it comes to the amount of dedication you're willing to put in, ask yourself - What is achieving my goal worth to me?

You don't have to like it, you just have to do it.

It's a misconception that I love working out. Sometimes, I do. Sometimes, I really enjoy being on the treadmill or kickboxing. Sometimes - I hate it. Sometimes, I want to rip Tony Horton's head of his muscley body and frequently, I'd like to punch Debbie Sieber's in her rock hard gut. You can bitch and moan and whine as much as you want to. You just have to do the work. You don't have to be happy about it all of the time, but you have to do it regardless. Think about it as when you were young and your parents made you clean your room. Whether you agreed with them or not - it had to happen. Then once it's done, you get your allowance and everyone is happy. Only instead of an allowance, you get an awesome body - WIN!

"You gots to work and deserve it, earn it to own it."

That one's from G. Love and Special Sauce. That's for when I sing to myself. It's pretty self-explanitory.

"Change is a process."

This one is from my BeachBody coach and I love it. You are not going to go from a size 10 to a size 2 in a month. Not healthily and not permanently anyway. It takes time. You're also not gonna go from a sedentary lifestyle to the workout and diet queen/king in a week. Just do a litle at a time and always do your best.

If you put in the work, change will come

So many people kid themselves as to the effort they're making. They'll say things like "But I worked out and stuck to my diet this week and saw NO results! I mean, I missed ONE workout and I cheated on my diet here and there, but STILL $%#$^" I hate to break it to you - but to a certain degree - that skipped workout and those litte cheats count! They don't count to a degree that little slip-ups will kill your results. But if you're on a steady regimen that your body is used to, every litte thing counts. You probably still made progress - just not as much as you would have if you hadn't cheated. And one little slip up is not gonna stop your progress. If you are constantly working, refining and putting in the effort - it's not possible that you'll see no results. But you have to be honest with yourself and you have to put in the work.

I hope this helps. I hope that finding a mantra will do as much for you as it does for me. Often, I'm the own voice inside my head guilt-tripping myself to do better, to do more, to try harder, to work harder and to push farther. After all,

No one else is gonna do it for you.

Balancing Act

So my blog focuses on a few things - the things that are most pertinent to my life at this moment. They also happen to be the things that I'm trying to juggle.

Thing 1 - My job. I'm not happy where I'm working now. While most people go to college with an idea of what they want to do when they grow up, I was never sure. I majored in music because it was the only thing I was really interested in. But hobbies don't always make for good jobs. What I would love to do is work at the Children's Theatre Company I've been with since my senior year in high school. But because I live in the real world - I need to work somewhere that can provide me with funds to pay my bills. Sadly, they can not. So I'm currently stuck in "Office Space" type hell. I'm way overqualified and underpaid. Happy to be working in this economy, but completely unhappy doing what I'm doing.
Thing 1) b) Money. Please refer to the "underpaid" clause in this paragraph.

Thing 2 - My hair. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal for most people. But I chopped my hair into a bob a couple years ago. For some black women, like myself - getting hair to grow long is no easy task. I regret cutting it because it has taken two years of effort to get it to reach it's original length - which is only down to my shoulders. And it is effort getting it to grow.

Thing 3 - Weight Loss. I have been trying to lose weight since I was a teenager. As of now, I've lost 55 pounds since I first started. Though I'm happy to have had made the progress I've made, I still work very hard at it every day.

Working on all three of these things at once is not easy. You need money to do basically anything, and I don't have a lot of that. You need time to devote to all of these areas, and there's only so much of that. Throw in the rest of life going on around me and these tasks can sometimes be pretty daunting. It's 8:30 on a Sunday night and I am exhausted. I still need to prep my meals for this week - because when it comes to weight loss, if you fail to plan = you plan to fail. I didn't get a chance to apply for any new jobs today because I spent time taking a Power Point tutorial so I can add it to my resume. While I did manage to finish 5 loads of laundry this weekend, clean my room and collect all the clothes I'm getting rid of for spring cleaning - I did not get to wash my hair. Which is pretty integral to helping it grow. I got one workout in today, though I would have preferred two.

And I know that tomorrow I have to go into work and make it through another day without losing my mind. But all I've ever known how to do is go after what I want. You have to keep trying, because no one else is going to do it for you. If you don't work for it - you won't get it. It might take longer than you'd prefer, but from what I've heard...good things come to those who wait.

Bummer Doodles

I'm definitely having what I like to call a bummer doodles day. I eat clean 6 days a week and allow myself on cheat meal. Well, yesterday I had my cheat meal and today - the scale is weighing me 3 pounds heavier. Now, psychologically I know that it is almost physically impossible to put on 3 lbs. in one day. However, I don't like the connotation of it. I don't like that the scale is judging me for having one less than healthy meal. I mean seriously, I obviously like food. If I didn't, I wouldn't be in the predicament of needing to lose weight. Are you telling me that if I eat exactly the way I'm supposed to 90% of the time, and have one cheat meal - that one meal can undo a week's worth of diet and exercise? Because if so, then I quit. I'm done. It's ridiculous to work this hard to see the scale go down and for it to be so easy for tne numbers to go up. It makes me want to just give up trying. What's the point? I'm hoping that this was just temporary insanity on the part of my scale, and that I'll not only be down those 3 pounds again by the end of this week, but another 2 pounds in addition to it. I'm starting to think that people who are fat and happy to be so may have something to their thinking.

Still Fighting It

I have been overweight my entire life. I was a chubby child, a fat teenager and an even fatter young adult. It bothered me a little bit when I was young, a lot more when I was a teenager, and finally became unacceptable when I hit college. I started working out and dieting. In the begining it was easier. When you first start working out, the weight drops off like "that"! (See: Biggest Loser) It's when you've been doing it for several years and your body adjusts that it gets a little more complicated.

In recent years, it has been next to impossible for me to drop pounds. I would kill myself with cardio at the gym. Hit the gym twice a day, eat minimally and then - only eating fruits, veggies, fish and chicken. All of this and nothing has given me the results I'm looking for. Now, staring down my 30th birthday on the horizon, I refuse to not reach my weight loss goal by that birthday. It's ridiculous and unfair how hard I have to work to acheive what seems to come easier to other people, but those are the breaks. That's just the way it is. My only other option is to stop trying, and I just don't consider that an option. I know I can reach my weight loss goal, I just have to keep going.

I'm currently doing a workout program called P90X. You may have seen the infomercial for it. It's a workout-at-home program that utilizes weights and a push up bar to get you in great shape in 90 days. This is my second time through the program. I did the full 90 days already. I didn't see the results that I wanted, but it is a fitness program and not a weight loss program. For people who have weight to lose, it may take more than one round to see results. It was nice to see that one of the guys in the infomercial actually went through 5 rounds before he got a killer bod. I just really need to see some results soon or I will lose my mind. I don't know what else to do to lose these pounds. They say the last ten to fifteen are the hardest and man they ain't lying.

I'll keep you posted on how this round is going. In addition to the regular workouts, I'm also doing another program from Beach Body (the same company that makes P90X). The other program is Slim in 6, which is supposed to help you slim down in 6 weeks. I also did this program already and lost a few pounds. I'm hoping that combining the two will give me some stellar progress.

Wish me luck ;)