I'm Sorry, But That's A Size What?

I refuse to buy anything in a size large. It's a matter of principal. I was a large for so long, that now I just don't want anything that says "large". But I fully expect to be a medium in most things - unless it's a line of clothing that runs big. There are very few things that I purposely wear loose, it's just not my style. However - in some of the teeny bopper stores that I still shop in (hey, someone thought I was 22 this weekend - so why not) I understand that the clothes are made for a younger demographic and tend to run a little smaller.

So, needless to say I went shopping this weekend. A very dangerous field for me since I have little self control. I wanted to find some sweatshirts to wear to and from the gym. I have some now - but they're like sweatshirts I actually like to wear for fashion and I don't want them forever smelling like sweat, as will happen with any gym clothes. I managed to resist buying any new jeans at Lucky Brand, which believe me - is not easy. I was able to remind myself that I don't want/need any more jeans at my current size. I really have plenty that fit me now, I want some that will fit new me. Size 4 me. Well, Lucky Brand size 4 anyway - which is basically a real size 6.

But I digress.

To get to the point, I bought a couple sweatshirts and a shirt-dress. Shirts = size XS. Shirt-dress - size small. My gut reaction when I fit clothing that small is to think - it must run big. I can't be an actual small or x-small in clothes designed for teenagers. No one with hips, thighs and a butt this large could truly be a small. But, here it is....





It makes me wonder how other people see me. I suppose I could have a case of body dysmorphia. I look in the mirror and only see what needs fixing, as opposed to what looks good. I'm still a little disbelieving. A couple size smalls does not a small girl make. But it could make a small girl in the making.