Focus

(from my fitness blog SweetCMe)

Something occurred to me during today's workout. I took a break from regimented workouts over the summer which means I haven't seriously lifted weights since, hmmm... March? Lifting weights is ESSENTIAL to weight loss.....
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When Does It End?

I'm a fighter by nature. No matter what, I will always work as hard as I can to fix any given situation in my life. I don't always fight right away, but eventually - I realize that the only solution is for me to try. Life isn't fair and we all get a raw deal sometimes, but that's no excuse to give up. Karma isn't real and doing good won't bring good to you - there's a lot of shitty people out there who seem to be doing pretty well for themselves, but again - that's life. I don't subscribe to the idea that "putting it out there into the universe" and positive thinking will bring you anything. I've tried it - and it's just not for me. Not to say that I think it's a horrible idea - it actually makes a lot of sense. Being positive about something and thinking positively about the outcome is gonna be a lot more helpful than nay-saying what you're doing all along the way. But ultimately - it comes down to me, myself and what I physically do to make something happen.

I'm at a very frustrating point in my life. I guess, at 29 - I am technically an adult. Though I feel no more like one than I did on my 18th birthday. The way I envisioned my life at 29 is very different than the reality I'm living. And it seems as though all of my friends around me have what I assumed I would have, but don't. And it's not as though I don't work for it. I've had a minimum of two jobs since I was 19 and had at least one job for 4 years before that. I don't know what it's like to get a paycheck from one job and have that be enough. I've been on a steady quest for weight loss for over ten years. I don't backslide and gain back weight I've lost, I just never seem to be able to reach my goal size. I'm single - have been for years, and likely will be for quite some time. That doesn't really bug me as much as other things, but it does make me ponder... My car hates me. Truly, truly just hates me and wants to make me as miserable as is humanly possible and is completely succeeding.

The fighter in me knows that there's no choice but to keep trying and to try harder. I mean, the alternative is to give up and what will that get you? But I also wonder when it stops. When do I get to have one salary and have that actually be enough to live on? When will men (who are my age and straight) realize how fabulous I am? When will my body stop fighting me and just reach my goals already? When will my car stop needing repairs? (I know the answer to that one - probably when it dies completely or gets totalled in a wreck.) I've been told that hard work pays off - and I'm just waiting for that to be true for me.

I Can Be Alone

But there are some things I miss.

I've never been one of those people who NEEDED to have a boyfriend. I'm a fairly independent person as it is. I don't call someone up to go with me to the mall or to they gym. I know I can get more done on my own. And yeah, sometimes it's nice to be half of a couple - but if it's not happening, I'm not super depressed or lonely. And I'd definitely rather be alone than settle.

But for some reason, the past couple of days - I've been really missing some things. I miss texting someone for the entire day while you're at work. And the work day flying by when it's usually like hell-on-earth, because it feels like you're spending the day with the person you're texting.

I miss having someone to talk to on the ride home from my second job. I'm not really a phone person, but for some reason - that ride home at night always seems to be one of the longest and sometimes it's nice having someone to talk to. Someone who makes me laugh. I remember what it felt like to be really excited to call that person. I also remember that the first few times after I didn't have that person to talk to - it felt like there was a void - a hole where something used to be. It doesn't feel like that anymore, it just feels like nothing now. Which is actually much better than a void. Pretty sure Bella Swan would co-sign on that.

Most of all - I miss making out! It's definitely one of my all time favorite pass times. When you find someone who can kiss you the way you liked to be kissed - it can definitely become an addiction. Kissing a lousy kisser is just a huge waste of time.

That's about it. That's all I'm really missin' right now. Still like sleeping in the middle of the bed. (Does that ever really get old?) Definitely like having my free time actually be free - and not having to check in with someone to make plans based on what they're doing. Absolutely don't miss dealing with someone else's bullshit. Definitely like getting to choose whatever I want on TV. And love not having to learn somebody's habits and quirks or explain why I feel the way I feel because why is this not common sense to you?

As one of my fav. songs goes - "I can be alone, yeah. I can watch a sunset on my own."

Never Think (Cover) - Rob Pattinson

I actually learned the chords for this song the day of - and my piano playing is sub par. I'm not really a piano player, I just wish I was :P But it's fun to play and sing!

Food Prep and This Week's Menu

I try to prepare most of my food for the week at the beginning of the week. Here's what my meals look like this week. For the most part, it's the same every day with minor variations for schedule changes.

First Thing: 1 scoop protein, 1 cup blueberries, 10oz water

Breakfast: 2 eggs, 2 whites scrambled with onion, pepper, spinach, mushroom and low fat mozzerella cheese, 4 veggie sausage links

Snack: Boca burger with 1/4 avocado, 1 slice tomato, mustard, lettuce, 2 slices of turkey bacon

Lunch: 3 cups lettuce, 1 cup cucumber, 1 cup strawberries, 3oz. chicken, 2 slices turkey bacon, 1 hard boiled egg, fresh squeezed lemon

Snack: 4 oz. ground turkey breast, 2 cups stir fry vegetables

Snack: Chocolate Shakeology, 10 oz. water

Post Workout: 1 scoop Results & Recovery Formula, 10 oz. water

Dinner: salmon, 1 cup broccoli, 1/8 cup low fat feta

Water all day long

To prep for this, I go food shopping on the weekend and
- cook all the meats: chicken, turkey, bacon - enough for the week
- cut up the produce and store in separate tupperware - cucumber, berries, mushroom, onion, asparagus

The night before
- prepare all meals in tupperware so I can just grab and go

The only thing I cook daily is the scrambled eggs and then dinner since I'm actually home by that time. Tupperware is my BFF.

Comment with questions :)

xoxo,
Sweet Charity

www.sweetcme.com

If it doesn't make me money, make me happy or make me skinny - I'm not doing it.

So I'm not over this weekend yet. Not by a long shot. I am constantly just completely baffled at how the people in my life can treat me with such disregard. It really makes me stop and think - maybe I'm just not as good a friend as I thought. I mean if it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck.... If everyone treats me like shit, I must deserve it, right? I mean I would not be getting collectively ignored and disregarded if I were a good person. The fault must lie with me, right? Because if not,

I don't get it.

I keep re-evaluating my behavior. I live by the golden rule: you treat others the way you wanna be treated. That rule is my guiding light. I'm there for people when they ask for my help, I'm thoughtful and considerate and I'm always honest.

I'm always honest...

That last one has gotten me into trouble quite a bit. People don't seem to like to hear the truth all the time. Like when you let them know they're doing something wrong AND they know you're right. That's what really seems to upset people. I don't like lying - I don't see the point. Cowards lie. The only reason to tell a lie is because you want to hide something you're ashamed of. Cowards hide. When people ask for my opinion, I give them the disclaimer: Don't ask me unless you want me to tell you because you KNOW I will tell you the truth. And that's why they're asking me - because they know out of everyone, I will not only give an honest answer, but it will be the correct answer. But once they hear it, they suddenly wanna shoot the messenger.

This is not me being conceited. It's not as if I'm all knowing. I've just lived - and messed up a whole lot. So it makes it easier for me to see when other people are repeating my mistakes and if you're my friend, I don't want you to go through the bad stuff I've been through. So if giving you tough love will stop you from repeating my mistakes - that's what I'm doing. I only speak to situations I know - I won't give advice on something I have no idea about. Every single friend that I've told a truth they didn't want to hear - has come back AFTER they ignored my advice and said "you were right." Every.single.time.

I think that most people are, by nature - selfish. The first instinct is to think "how will this benefit me?" Every once in a while, like at Christmas or Mother's Day - they can think of someone else. But even then, most people still think of themselves first. If you have the choice between spending $100 on someone else to get a super awesome gift OR spending $50 on a less awesome gift and $50 on yourself, which would you choose? I mean, they'll never know of the more awesome gift you could've gotten anyway. I think...no I KNOW that 99.9% of the people I know would go with the 50/50 option because it benefits them.

That's where we differ. I'll pick the first option every time. Because it makes me happier to know that I got this person this super awesome gift that makes them happy. That's my nature. I don't say this because I think I'm better than anyone, I'm just explaining who I am. If I tell you I'll do something, I do it. Period. Because my word means something, to me at least. If I'm not sure I can do it - I won't tell you I will. I can't tell you how many parties and events I've gone to - not because I wanted to, but because my friend wanted me there. And some people will say "well if you don't wanna do it, don't do it." Sounds easy enough. But by the golden rule - if I would want that person to be there for me, then I'm gonna be there for them. Simple as that. What I want is secondary.

I understand that not everyone can be this way, which is fine. But when I - the person who has been there for you for every thing you've asked of her, asks you for ONE DAY out of the entire year to put her first - for just a couple hours...I don't know, I kind of expect that to be something you could handle. The bottom line is this:I asked for one thing for one day and only ONE person was able to follow through on it. Everyone else made the selfish choice and decided that even though this is the only thing I ask of them all year, they were still more important than me even on that one night.

So I guess I need to learn to be selfish. It's really the only solution I can think of. If it doesn't make me money, make me happy or make me skinny - I'm not doing it. Is that how it works? Is that what looking out for number one is like? To me, that sounds miserable. That sounds like a horrible way to live your life. But it seems to work pretty well for everyone else, so I guess I'll give it a shot.

Just Another Day...

I have a facebook page. While a lot of the changes that Facebook has made serve to annoy me to no end, I do think they got some things right. Reminding you of upcoming events - is like making your social calendar for you. I think it's great that they let you know when people's birthdays are. Some people just suck at remembering important events like that.

I'm not one of those people. If we're good friends, I know when your birthday is. I don't need Facebook to tell me. I expect the same. I'm only talking about the people who you're close with, who you would supposedly do anything for. Really - how about remembering their birthday?

When it comes to other people, I stress what a big deal a birthday is. So many people die young of several causes, that it is a celebration when any of us makes it another year on this planet. It's one day out of the whole year where people should go out of their way to be nice to you at the very least. Every once in a while, I'll put a "happy birthday" post on someone's wall. For the most part, I just text them. However, my birthday won't be showing up in your news feed. Why? Because I despise fakeness. It makes my skin crawl. Granted - not every person that would say something to me would be being fake. Some people just genuinely want to help make your day, and I can appreciate that. But I hate having a wall full of comments from people who never speak to me, never comment anything I post, and who I honestly forgot existed. It's annoying and I don't need it. I'll take the few, genuine, heartfelt comments from people who know me enough to know when my bday is.

I used to treat my birthday like a big deal too. That is, until I realized I was the ONLY one who thought it was a big deal. I'm an excellent party planner - and I planned great, elaborate parties designed to accomodate every single person invited. Yet every year - I was disappointed by people who didn't show and seemingly didn't care. So I decided that if it wasn't a big deal to anyone else, I should stop trying to force it to be one. I figured that by narrowing the pool of people I choose to celebrate with, it would also narrow the possibility of being disappointed by people. I did this - knowing full well that I should've known better. But I took a chance, as I often do.

I can't say that I'm going to give up on celebrating my birthday. There are definitely a few people who are faithfully always there for me, no matter what. I recognize that and I appreciate it - and I don't forget it when they need something from me. But I think the way to go is celebrating in small ways just for myself. Because it's a serious blow to your self esteem when you think you're a great friend, you're always at every one else's party and yet when it's your turn - nobody cares. I did spend a shit ton of money this week on make-up and clothes for my mini celebration ~ perhaps that is the tradition I will keep going.