Things Are Clearing Up...

The weather has been getting warmer, the sun is rising earlier and setting later and the skies are clearer. Thank God spring is on its way. I think we all could use the mood lifter. The sun being up earlier makes it much easier to get up early for my workouts in the morning. The sun setting later makes it seem like I'm getting much more done with my day. And I think my skin is clearing up with the weather too!

Well - I'm actually not sure if it's due to the weather or due to the GNC Hair, Skin and Nails vitamins I'm taking. I do remember that my skin looks much clearer in the summertime, but is also more oily. I've yet to find a regimen that I feel works really well for my skin. I guess that ship has sailed for a winter regimen, time to work on a summertime one. I was considering trying Bare Minerals - but it looks like that can hold off until the fall. Thank God, because all of my money is being diverted into fitness issues at the moment: groceries, new workout clothes (the old ones are gettin' big -yay), another workout program and supplements.

When I finish this round of P90X, I'll be starting Insanity. I know it's gonna be incredibly difficult but I'm ready for something crazy so long as it works. My weight loss progress is slow, but changes are happening. Little by little, I'm gettin' there. My skin seems to be getting better - I'm gonna give the GNC pills one more bottle to see how they're working. My hair - eh - it's still thinner than I'd like and I'm not seeing crazy amounts of growth. But I think it's grown back out to where it was before I chopped it (2 years ago! Never Again!)Now, I just need it to grow longer and grow in thicker. Money? Mmm, still don't have enough of that - but I am managing to pay off my debt on a schedule and still have enough for the things I need/want. Or at least I have the ability to save up for those things. Still working on finding the new job - that's probably the toughest thing of all right now.

All in all, I'm ready for spring and whatever new challenges it may bring.

"Into each life...

some rain must fall. Some days must be dark and dreary."
The Rainy Day, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

This was the quote I had printed with my Senior Portrait in my yearbook 11 years ago. It still holds true and still means to me now what it meant then. Obviously, not much in my life has changed. I remember someone commenting on how depressing the quote was and remember being surprised by them feeling that way. Depressing? That wasn't how I meant it at all. It's a fact of life. If calling it to your attention is depressing, you must live a very happy, blessed and trouble-free life. Some days must be dark and dreary. Not every single day of your life will be perfect. Sometimes, bad things happen that make you sad. Fact. If anything, I found it to be a hopeful statement. If you take the quote in the context of the poem it was written in, it's making a universal statement. The line that precedes this famous quote is "Thy fate is the common fate of all." Basically saying that - you know what, you're having a bad day. Everybody has bad days sometimes and it's o.k.

I'm having one of those days today. Everything seems to have been going to crap for me since I woke up - late, this morning. I keep trying to stay positive and move on, but with every positive thought comes another negative thing happening in my day. I'm just not strong enough to shoulder all of the outside forces affecting my reality. It's too much.

What I really want to do is eat a big bowl of ice cream and chocolate and peanut butter and lay in bed and cry and watch movies. And add popcorn while you're at it. In reality, would one day of binging on sweets completely kill my diet? Well, speaking long term - no. Would eating and watching movies do anything to help my mood? MMM, it might - but then again it might not. Would it fix any of the problems that are causing my terrible day? No. But will sticking to my diet and working out fix any of those problems either? No. It's kind of a draw there.

I'm having a horrible day. And I really want to make myself feel better with dairy and chocolate and salt. But I have the presence of mind to know that those things ultimately won't make me feel better. Or will only do so temporarily. And that though unconnected to my current state of mind and my current issues, sticking to my diet and working out today will be better for me in the long run. I'll be happy at the end of the week that I stayed the course, even if I may not feel like it today.

I certainly hope tomorrow is a better day for me.

I Challenge Myself

So, I am starting Phase 3 of P90X. This phase is 5 weeks long. So far - on this round of the X, I have lost 6 pounds. But really, most of that has come from the change in my eating habits. So for this last phase, I am really trying to "bring it" in the kitchen as well as in the workouts. I'm still kind of trial and erroring with how many calories I should have a day, but we'll see what happens.

Here, for your viewing pleasure and for my accountability is what my meal plan will consist of for the next five weeks. This is my own personal food challenge, but I invite ANYONE to join me if they'd like :) The calorie intake can be anywhere from 1500 to 1700, depending on the number of workouts that day and on how I feel. When my body tells me I'm truly hungry, I listen to it.

My P90X Phase 3 Diet
All food must be from the top two tiers of Michi's ladder
No dairy
No salt
I get one cheat day per week to eat what I want (I wouldn't make it without this)

Pre-Morning Resistance Workout: Banana with almond butter

Post-Morning Workout: Whey protein, blueberries & flaxseed oil
(OR Shakeology if I order it anytime soon)

Breakfast: Scrambled egg whites with spinach, corn, onion and pepper ~ either on tomato, mustard and veggie chicken pattty
OR
on tomato, avocado and whole grain flatbread

Snack: rye crisps with hummus
OR
veggies and hummus
OR
brown rice cakes and peanut butter

Lunch: stir fry veggies, brown rice, black beans, protein (chicken, tuna, salmon)
OR
protein (chicken, tuna, salmon) broccoli or green beans, sweet potato

Snack: brown rice cakes with peanut butter
OR
carrots with peanut butter or hummus

Dinner: salad greens, green pepper, hard boiled egg whites, olives and protein(chicken, tuna, salmon) with fat-free, sugar-free, everything free dressing

Post-Evening Workout: Casein protein with almond milk and strawberries

Quick-Grab Options: whole wheat bagel, oatmeal, veggie burger, peanuts, apple


Well, there it is folks. My food layout for the next 5 weeks. As my coach says, if you fail to plan - you plan to fail. Let me know if you have any questions/suggestions.

www.teambeachbody.com/sweetcharity

You Need A Mantra

Recently, I've been waking up at 5am to fit my second workout into the day. I am NOT a morning person. Not in the slightest. In fact, DO NOT attempt to conversate with me before I've had breakfast or before 9am, whichever happens first. You would think that after 29 years, my mother of all people would have realized this about me. And yet, she repeatedly attempts to start conversations with me at 8 am and then wonders why I'm so pissy. I remind her of this constantly, and yet...no change. I hope it's not Alzheimer's.

Anywho, I do not enjoy waking up early - but I do it. I'm not the hugest fan of not being able to eat what I want, whenever I want and instead counting calories and tracking carbs - but I do it. I don't neccessarily want to work out every day, twice a day - but I do it. Is it because I'm crazy? Perhaps. But more because I know what I want and I know what it will take to get there and I'm willing to work for it. It's worth it to me.

What's it worth to you?

I have several phrases, sayings, "mantras" if you will, that come to mind during my fitness struggles. Some of them may seem corny to you as other people's seem to me. That's ok. Get your own. What phrase is really gonna hit home for you and cause you to work harder? "What's it worth to you?" Is one of my favorites. Is it worth me waking up at 5am and working out twice a day if it will eventually get me in a size 4? - YES. Is it worth forgoing that piece of chocolate that I will literally remove my left arm for if I can drop an extra pound? - YES. This is what it's worth for ME. It does not have to apply to you, but when it comes to the amount of dedication you're willing to put in, ask yourself - What is achieving my goal worth to me?

You don't have to like it, you just have to do it.

It's a misconception that I love working out. Sometimes, I do. Sometimes, I really enjoy being on the treadmill or kickboxing. Sometimes - I hate it. Sometimes, I want to rip Tony Horton's head of his muscley body and frequently, I'd like to punch Debbie Sieber's in her rock hard gut. You can bitch and moan and whine as much as you want to. You just have to do the work. You don't have to be happy about it all of the time, but you have to do it regardless. Think about it as when you were young and your parents made you clean your room. Whether you agreed with them or not - it had to happen. Then once it's done, you get your allowance and everyone is happy. Only instead of an allowance, you get an awesome body - WIN!

"You gots to work and deserve it, earn it to own it."

That one's from G. Love and Special Sauce. That's for when I sing to myself. It's pretty self-explanitory.

"Change is a process."

This one is from my BeachBody coach and I love it. You are not going to go from a size 10 to a size 2 in a month. Not healthily and not permanently anyway. It takes time. You're also not gonna go from a sedentary lifestyle to the workout and diet queen/king in a week. Just do a litle at a time and always do your best.

If you put in the work, change will come

So many people kid themselves as to the effort they're making. They'll say things like "But I worked out and stuck to my diet this week and saw NO results! I mean, I missed ONE workout and I cheated on my diet here and there, but STILL $%#$^" I hate to break it to you - but to a certain degree - that skipped workout and those litte cheats count! They don't count to a degree that little slip-ups will kill your results. But if you're on a steady regimen that your body is used to, every litte thing counts. You probably still made progress - just not as much as you would have if you hadn't cheated. And one little slip up is not gonna stop your progress. If you are constantly working, refining and putting in the effort - it's not possible that you'll see no results. But you have to be honest with yourself and you have to put in the work.

I hope this helps. I hope that finding a mantra will do as much for you as it does for me. Often, I'm the own voice inside my head guilt-tripping myself to do better, to do more, to try harder, to work harder and to push farther. After all,

No one else is gonna do it for you.

The Chain (Ingrid Michaelson cover)

I like to sing :)

Balancing Act

So my blog focuses on a few things - the things that are most pertinent to my life at this moment. They also happen to be the things that I'm trying to juggle.

Thing 1 - My job. I'm not happy where I'm working now. While most people go to college with an idea of what they want to do when they grow up, I was never sure. I majored in music because it was the only thing I was really interested in. But hobbies don't always make for good jobs. What I would love to do is work at the Children's Theatre Company I've been with since my senior year in high school. But because I live in the real world - I need to work somewhere that can provide me with funds to pay my bills. Sadly, they can not. So I'm currently stuck in "Office Space" type hell. I'm way overqualified and underpaid. Happy to be working in this economy, but completely unhappy doing what I'm doing.
Thing 1) b) Money. Please refer to the "underpaid" clause in this paragraph.

Thing 2 - My hair. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal for most people. But I chopped my hair into a bob a couple years ago. For some black women, like myself - getting hair to grow long is no easy task. I regret cutting it because it has taken two years of effort to get it to reach it's original length - which is only down to my shoulders. And it is effort getting it to grow.

Thing 3 - Weight Loss. I have been trying to lose weight since I was a teenager. As of now, I've lost 55 pounds since I first started. Though I'm happy to have had made the progress I've made, I still work very hard at it every day.

Working on all three of these things at once is not easy. You need money to do basically anything, and I don't have a lot of that. You need time to devote to all of these areas, and there's only so much of that. Throw in the rest of life going on around me and these tasks can sometimes be pretty daunting. It's 8:30 on a Sunday night and I am exhausted. I still need to prep my meals for this week - because when it comes to weight loss, if you fail to plan = you plan to fail. I didn't get a chance to apply for any new jobs today because I spent time taking a Power Point tutorial so I can add it to my resume. While I did manage to finish 5 loads of laundry this weekend, clean my room and collect all the clothes I'm getting rid of for spring cleaning - I did not get to wash my hair. Which is pretty integral to helping it grow. I got one workout in today, though I would have preferred two.

And I know that tomorrow I have to go into work and make it through another day without losing my mind. But all I've ever known how to do is go after what I want. You have to keep trying, because no one else is going to do it for you. If you don't work for it - you won't get it. It might take longer than you'd prefer, but from what I've heard...good things come to those who wait.

Boobs

Here's the thing about women with real breasts who comment on other women getting breast implants: it's not like YOU had any hand in your own breast size. I don't get it when women brag "well my breast are all natural, I don't need fake ones." Well yeah, but what's the problem with someone else getting fake ones if she DOES need them? I mean, it's not as if you have big boobs because you worked your ass off for them. You didn't earn them. That's just the body God gave you. There's no problem with you being proud of what you have, but what gives you the right to put someone else down for not having it? It's not like if I work really hard I can make my boobs grow. There's nothing I can do on my own to increase my breast size. If I want that to happen, it's gotta be through surgery.

Firstly - if you're happy and confident in yourself, you shouldn't feel the need to speak negatively of others. What do I care what surgery you have on your breasts or your butt or your face? It's your body and you should feel comfortable with it. It doesn't really matter if I think you look good now or would look better with some work. I'm not the person who has to wake up in your skin every day.

Secondly - if you already have big boobs, then you haven't the slightest idea what it feels like to not have them. Period. Even if you were once flat-chested, and now have massive breasts - you don't know what it feels like to still be a grown woman and not have much going on in the chesticle region. So you can't really say what you would do in the situation because you're not in the situation.

Third - Guys don't know what the eff they're talking about. They say they want a girl who is "all natural." What they're really saying is they want someone with naturally big boobs. Well, again - I can't really do anything about that. My boobs aren't naturally big, so what now? It's kind of like how they say they want a woman who doesn't wear make-up when what they actually want is a woman who doesn't LOOK like she's wearing make-up.

If I had the funds, I would love to get a boob job. I'm working with a very small barely B cup and I am a thick girl. I just don't think I look proportionate at all. If I do get the opportunity to get a breast augmentation, it will be for me. It will be to make myself feel better about myself. I don't need anyone else's opinion or approval. It is MY body that I have to live with. I work my butt off for everything that I have in life. I work to pay bills, I work out and diet to get the body I want, I save up for things I want but can't yet afford. I work. If there were some sort of crazy exercise I could do to make my boobs grow, I'd do it. But I can't. I just find it obnoxious to brag about something that you didn't actually put any effort into whatsoever. "I just think people who wear brown contacs when their eyes aren't really brown are so fake! My eyes are NATURALLY BROWN baby, no contacs there. I don't need to put contacs in my eyes to make them brown." It's just ridiculous.